What's green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox!
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Q: Why should you never set the turkey next to the desert?
A: Because he will gobble, gobble it up!
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Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
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Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.
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Koala: What do you mean, I'm not a bear? I have all the koalafications.
Elephant: Your koalafications are completely irrelephant.
Lion: Don't listen to him! He's lion!
Bear: This arguing is becoming unbearable!
The reason we are human is because Chuck roundhouse kicked a monkey into a higher species.
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Where do you find a down-and-out octopus?
On squid row.
Why did the frog cross the street?
Because the chicken crossed the road.
You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe beside you, and you're being chase by a lion.
What do you do?
Get your drunk ass off the carousel.
A man walked into his backyard one morning and found there was a gorilla in a tree.
He called a gorilla-removal service, and soon a serviceman arrived with a stick, a Chihuahua, a pair of handcuffs and a shotgun.
"Now listen carefully," he told the homeowner, "I'm going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls to the ground.
The trained Chihuahua will then go right for his, uh, sensitive area, and when the gorilla instinctivly crosses his hands in front to protect himself, you slap the handcuffs on"
"Ok, got it." the homeowner replied.
"But whats that shotgun for?"
"If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla," the man said, "shoot the Chihuahua."