What do you do when two snails have a fight?
Leave them to slug it out.
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What do you call a dinosaur that's a noisy sleeper?
A Brontosnorus.
An engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bends over, picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket.
The frog speaks up again and says, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it and returns it to the pocket.
The frog then cries out, "If you kiss me and turn me back, I'll do whatever you say!"
Again the engineer takes the frog out, smiles at it and puts it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asks, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, I'll stay with you for a month and do whatever you say. What more do you want?"
The engineer says, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
A guy rings his boss and says "I can't come to work today"
The boss asks why and the guy says "it's my eyes."
"What's wrong with your eyes?" asks the boss.
"I just can't see myself coming to work, so I'm going fishing instead..."
Who held the baby octopus to ransom?
Squidnappers.
Q: What's the difference between a dog and a fox?
A: About eight beers.
A dog is truly a man's best friend.
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.
Lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.
When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?
What do you if you're trapped inside a whale?
Run round and round till you're all pooped out!
Vote:
Are shellfish warm?
No they re clammy.
One day a traveling salesman was driving down a back country road at about 30 mph when he noticed that there was a three-legged chicken running alongside his car.
He stepped on the gas but at 50 miles per hour.
The chicken was still keeping up.
After about a mile of running the chicken ran up a farm lane and into a barn behind an old farm house.
The salesman had some time to kill so he turned around and drove up the farm lane.
He knocked at the door and when the farmer answered he told him what he had just seen.
The farmer said that he was a geneticist and had developed this breed of chicken because he, his wife and his son each like a drumstick when they have chicken and this way they only have to kill one chicken.
"That"s the most fantastic thing I've ever heard," said the salesman.
"How do they taste?"
"I don't know," said the farmer.
"We've never caught one."