Joke #10647

What do you do when two snails have a fight? Leave them to slug it out.

A farmhand is driving around the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I’ve got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he’s stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He’s still wriggling. What should I do?" "In the back of your truck there’s a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush." The farm worker says okay and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush." "So what’s the problem now?" his Boss snapped. "The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!"

When is the best time to fake an orgasm? When a rottweiler is humping your leg.

I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman… “Mr Cook?” “Yes,” I replied. “I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.” I said, “That’s bullshit – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”

What magazine makes cows stampede to the newsstand? Cows-mopolitan!

Chuck Norris bit a spider once then it became Spiderman!

I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.

Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog. For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog's legs off, then they told the dog to walk. The dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs. For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk. The dog was still able to walk with only two legs. For the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk. However, the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg. As a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it's hearing after having three legs cut off.

What do you call it when one rabbit challenges another rabbit to hop across a forty-yard canyon? A hare dare.

Q: What is a black cat's favorite color? A: Purrrrrr-ple!

Q: What is black white and rolls around in the sand? A: A black man and a segal fighting over a carp.