What do you do when two snails have a fight? Leave them to slug it out.
Q:Why do ducks have webbed feet? A:To stamp out fires. Q:Why do elephants have flat feet? A:To stamp out burning ducks
Waiter: "I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg." Customer: "Don’t tell me your problems. Give the menu card."
Why did the frog cross the road? To see what the chicken was doing.
Why did the frog cross the road? Some mean little kid super-glued it to the chicken.
What color socks do bears wear? (They don't wear socks, they have bear feet!)
"I can't decide whether to buy a bicycle or a cow for my farm." "Well, wouldn't you look silly riding a cow?" "I d look a darn sight sillier trying to milk a bicycle!"
One day a man heard knocking at his door. He opened the door only to see a small snail sitting there smiling. The guy picked the snail up and threw it as far as he possibly could. Three years later he heard knocking at the door again. He opened the door to see the snail. The snail said, "What the hell was that all about?"
Two deer walk out of a gay bar, one turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew twenty bucks in there..."
What do you call a trash bag full of mutilated laboratory monkeys? Rhesus Pieces.