What magazine makes cows stampede to the newsstand?
Cows-mopolitan!
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Why couldn't the cow leave the farm?
She was pasteurized.
Two hunters from Moscow charter a small plane to fly them to Siberia to go bear hunting.
On landing, the pilot says, "Remember, this plane can only fly with two hunters, one pilot, and ONE bear."
The hunters go out and return with two bears.
So the pilot says, "I told you ONE bear!"
But the hunters point out that the previous year, on payment of an extra 100 rubles, the pilot had let them put two bears on board.
After long discussion centering on the impossibility of the thing and the disgraceful degree of inflation, the pilot takes 200 rubles and with much pushing and shoving the hunters get aboard with the two bears.
After struggling into the air and fitfully flying for about two hours, the plane gives up and plummets to the earth in a snowbank.
Climbing out from under the snow and the bears, the hunters ask the pilot where he thinks they are.
The pilot says, "About the same place where we crashed last year."
How do you hire a teddy bear?
Put him on stilts.
Q: What is the pink stuff between elephant’s toes?
A: Slow clowns.
Q: Why couldn't the pony sing?
A: Because he's a little hoarse.
Chuck Norris Killed Medusa with a round house Kick.
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A man is walking through the wood and he meets a really ugly, big and a fat frog.
The frog says: "Hello, prince if you kiss me, I will fulfill you one wish. You can wish whatever you want."
The man says: "Ok, I will kiss you."
He kisses the frog, he has told her his wish but nothing has happened.
And the frog said: "Now you can see, such an old man and still believes in fairy tales."
How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end?
It was won by a hare.
How is a rabbit like a plum?
They re both purple, except for the rabbit.
Scooby Doo prefers Norris snacks'.
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