What magazine makes cows stampede to the newsstand? Cows-mopolitan!
What do you get from a cowmedian? Cream of Wit.
A man has his car full of penguins. He drives past a policeman, but the policeman stops him. He says. "Hey, you! Yeah, you! You should take those penguins to the zoo!" The man does that. The next day in the same spot, the man still has the penguins. Once again he drives past the policeman. "Hey, I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!" "I did," replies the man. "We had so much fun that were going to the beach today!"
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a cartoon penguin? Pingu-Pong.
Did you hear about the boy who was told to do 100 lines? He drew 100 cats on the paper. He thought the teacher had said lions.
How do you hire a teddy bear? Put him on stilts.
Why do lions always eat raw meat? "Because they don't know how to cook."
I've just discovered a method for making wool out of milk. But doesn't that make the cow feel a little sheepish?
What did the calf say to the silo? "Is my fodder in there?"
Why did the frog cross the road? Some mean little kid super-glued it to the chicken.
This guy from up north just up and one day moved down south to start himself a farm. He came across this man and asked him where he could get a good donkey to pull a cart and plow. The man said I've got just what you need. Only thing is down here we don't call them donkeys we call them an ass. He said when this ass stops you'll have to get off the cart and slap them to get it going again. The northern man thanks him and heads on his way. He comes up to a man seeking chickens. He says to the man, I'd like to buy a rooster and a hen. The guy sai d sure thing but down here we don't call em roosters and hens. We call them a cock and a pullet. The man from up north says ok, thanks the man and is on his way. He going along in his cart when his donkey stops in the middle of the road. He remembers what the man said he had to do to get it going. Just then a lady is walking by. So he walks up to her and says, "excuse me miss, but will you hold my cock and pullet while I slap my ass."