Joke #10664

Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber? The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.

An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.

You know Chuck Norris' pet lizard, right? Last I heard, he was in the movie "Godzilla". Oh, and his pet turtle starred in "Gamera" as well.

A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to scout the pets. He sees a monkey with a price of 5000$ and goes to the merchant to ask for details. Hey mister, the monkey…what does it know to worth that much money? Well, it knows Windows 95, 98, 2000, and also knows Word, C++, Visual Basic and last but not least, it knows how to play computer games. - Good monkey, it's worth the money. He goes and finds another monkey with a price of 10000$ and again he will ask the merchant. "What does this monkey know?" "It knows Linux, Unix, Corel and Autocad." "Nice, even I don't know those things." On a last scout run he finds another monkey just sitting there with a price 20000$. The story repeats, and he goes with a lack of confidence to ask the merchant for details. "And what does this monkey do for that ridiculous amount of money?" "I never saw her doing anything, but the other two call her Project Manager!"

Have you read the book, "100-mile Horse Trek" Who wrote it? Major Bumsore.

What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."

Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

What did Cinderella Dolphin where to the ball? Glass flippers.

A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go." "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered. But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."

Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude? He always said "Neigh"

Yo' Mama is so fat, the hippos at the zoo get jealous of her figure.