Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber? The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.
Animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
Q:Where do you find giant snails? A:On the ends of their fingers.
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"
Look over there! Said the frightened skunk to his pal. "There's a human with a gun, and he's getting closer and closer! What are we going to do?" To which the second skink calmly replied, "Let us spray ."
Which day of the week do chickens hate most? Fry-day!
Girl: We have a mayor. Do you? Horse: Sure! Girl: What do you call it? Horse: Same as you do. Mare!
Two cows were chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm." The other cow replied, "Hell, I ain't worried, it won't affect us ducks."
What do you get when you cross a frog and a rabbit? A rabbit that says, "Ribbit."
Q: Why do bunnies have soft sex? A: They have cotton balls.