Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber?
The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.
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There was this atheist and he was in the woods.
And suddenly he heard some leaves cracking.
He looked behind and there was a huge bear behind him.
He started running and running and soon the bear was right on top of him and his paw was on top of him like he was going to swat him but suddenly he saw this big light appear and said; “For all these years you have despised me and now you call for my help.”
The atheist said, “I’m sorry God. If you can’t help me, can’t you at least turn the bear into a Christian?
Then the light disappeared.
Then the bear knelt down and said, “Bless me Lord for this meal I’m about to receive!”
A man walks into a bar, after buying a beer he looks around the bar and sees three men and a dog playing cards.
Amazed, the man wanders over and starts watching the game.
Aftere watching the game for ten minutes, the man leans over to one of the other player's and whispers "
Wow, that's a really smart dog!".
The man whispers backs "He isn't that smart, every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail!"
What does a cow like to do by a campfire?
Roast Moosmallows.
Chuck Norris was once so famished, he ate Turkey.
The country there now is only an impostor.
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Chuck Norris uses live piranhas as bath toys.
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It is better to enter the mouth of a tiger than a court of law.
For our daughters 5th birthday we bought her a rabbit.
We couldn’t help laughing when on the way she announced "the rabbit’s name is Sparingly."
"How do you know?" I asked "look" she responded "it says “feed sparingly 3 times daily."
What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
What do you call a man with a rabbit up his jumper?
Warren.