Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber?
The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.
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Chuck Norris once taught a French Bulldog to be English.
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How do you know when a crab is drunk?
It walks forwards.
How did cows feel when the branding iron was invented?
They were very impressed.
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails.
A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.
The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."
There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle.
For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard.
Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river.
The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle.
"Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks.
"When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied.
"Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe.
"Yep!" said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall."
What's black and white, stinks and hangs from a line?
A drip dry skunk.
Did you hear about the man who received a tip on a horse called Cigarette?
He didn't have enough money tabaccer!
What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon?
A bird who knocks before delivering its message !
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: She liked kids...