Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude? He always said "Neigh"
Why did the frog walk across the road? He didn't... he jumped.
How do you confuse a frog? Put it in a round bowl and tell it to take a nap in the corner.
Q: What is a black cat's favorite color? A: Purrrrrr-ple!
When Chuck Norris wants salmon he eats the bear too.
A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat. He says to the barman, "Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please". The barman says, "Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!" The dog replies, "Why? Do they need electricians?"
Kangaroo 911: "What's your emergency?" Kangaroo: "I can't find my children" Kangaroo 911: "Did you check your pockets?" Kangaroo: "Oh nevermind."
What do you call an owl magician? HOOOOOdini.
What do you get when a cow goes to the Beach with tanning oil? Pre-tanned leather.
An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland. The astronomer looks out of the window, sees a black sheep standing in a field, and remarks, "How odd. Scottish sheep are black." "No, no, no!" says the physicist. "Only some Scottish sheep are black." The mathematician rolls his eyes at his companions' muddled thinking and says, "In Scotland, there is at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which appears black from here."
What has four legs and goes, "Oom! Oom!"? A cow walking backwards.