Have you read the book, "100-mile Horse Trek" Who wrote it? Major Bumsore.
Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby. Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.
The T. Rexes were all angry. You know why? Because these huge muscular creatures with these big muscular legs and these tiny little hands! How would you feel, 60 million years never being able to masturbate? That is the real reason dinosaurs are extinct right there.
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? Dam.
Chuck Norris was once bitten by a venomous cobra .... After 5 days of excrutiating pain the cobra Eventually died
There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."
How did the calf's final exam turn out? Grade A.
Q: What do you get when you cross a perm with a rabbit? A: Curly hare.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
One day, Little Johnny's grandmother sent him to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and ran back to grandma's house as fast as he could. "Where's my bucket and my water?" She asked. "I can't get any water from that water hole, there's a mean ol' alligator down there!" "Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for years, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
What do you call it when one bull spies on another bull? A steak-out.