Have you read the book, "100-mile Horse Trek" Who wrote it? Major Bumsore.
What do you get if you cross a zebra with an ape man? Tarzan stripes forever.
What do you call someone who sticks his right hand in shark's mouths? Lefty.
There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: "Help me, please help me! There is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?" "Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves." "You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!" "Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?" "I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk!" "Help me please, please help!"
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
Q: Why does a squirrle swim on its back? A: To keep its nuts dry
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: It was escaping from K.F.C.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side…
Q.How do you catch a polar bear? A.You cut a hole in the ice and you put peas all round the edge and when the polar bear comes along and stops for a pea,you kick it in the ice hole.
Q: What do you say to a bodybuilding cow farmer? A: Show us your calves!