What looks like half a cat?
The other half.
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Little Johnny: „Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?"
Mother: „No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year!"
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Q: Why do bunnies have soft sex?
A: They have cotton balls.
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.
Why couldn't the cow leave the farm?
She was pasteurized.
Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch.
One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?"
The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"
What's a moo hoo for a cattle dinner?
Cow chow.
An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.
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If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped.
What's a tiger?
A stri-ped.
Two hunters from Moscow charter a small plane to fly them to Siberia to go bear hunting.
On landing, the pilot says, "Remember, this plane can only fly with two hunters, one pilot, and ONE bear."
The hunters go out and return with two bears.
So the pilot says, "I told you ONE bear!"
But the hunters point out that the previous year, on payment of an extra 100 rubles, the pilot had let them put two bears on board.
After long discussion centering on the impossibility of the thing and the disgraceful degree of inflation, the pilot takes 200 rubles and with much pushing and shoving the hunters get aboard with the two bears.
After struggling into the air and fitfully flying for about two hours, the plane gives up and plummets to the earth in a snowbank.
Climbing out from under the snow and the bears, the hunters ask the pilot where he thinks they are.
The pilot says, "About the same place where we crashed last year."