What looks like half a cat?
The other half.
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A Bosnian catches a goldfish.
The goldfish says: "Let me go and I will grant you one wish."
The Bosnian says: "No way, I'll take you to the pawn shop – gold is gold."
One day Kermit the Frog was looking sad. Fozzie Bear went up to him and asked what was wrong.
Kermit said, "I'm having problems with Miss Piggy."
"Like what?" asked Fozzie.
"Well, Piggy wants me to eat her out and I can't."
Fozzie asked, "So, what's wrong with that?
You're not a prude or anything."
"No," sighed Kermit, "but I am a Jew."
The mouse and the elephant stay on the trunk of a smitten tree.
Near them passes the giraffe, who asks them:
Who pulled out this tree from his root?
Me off course, says the mouse, but the elephant helped a bit.
How are black people and wolves similar?
They both fight in packs.
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Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup."
Waiter: "That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much."
What do cows do for entertainment?
They go to the mooooovies.
A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.
He stopped and asked the boy, "Where did you get that turkey?"
The boy replied, "What turkey?"
The game warden said, "That turkey you're carrying under your arm."
The boy looks down and said, "Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!"
The game warden said, "Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you.
If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?"
The little boy said, "I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!"
Lara Rabbit: "Do you think that's Sophie's natural color?"
Zara Rabbit: "Only her hare dresser knows for sure."
A snail and a slug got in a crash.
When the police, ambulances and news reporters arrived, a reporter asked a tortoise what happened.
He replied: "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
A farmer and a son live on a farm.
The farmer is sitting in the kitchen when his son comes in from the barn with a large glass of white liquid.
He is so excited because he's just milked a cow.
Then he takes a big drink from the glass.
His father just stares at him.
"Son, we don't have a cow. We have a bull."
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