Why did the frog cross the road? Some mean little kid super-glued it to the chicken.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
Q: What is a zebra? A: A horse behind bars.
What is the feeling that you've smelled a certain skunk before? Deja phew.
Yo' Mama is so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a whole species will become extinct.
If Chuck Norris were a cat he would have ten lives.
Q:What happened when Smokey the Bear started the forest fire? A: He got arrested just like you would've.
How did that bullfight come out? Oh, it was a toss-up.
Why are rabbits like calculators? They both multiply a lot.
A woman went to the doctor's and complained of being really sore. "Do you have any idea why?" "Well, I had sex with an elephant!" "You did? But elephants are known to have small penises!" "Yeah, but he fingered me first."
Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots. They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, the rabbits get to talking. "I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one. "I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second. "I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."