What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours?
A hermit crab.
Similar jokes
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Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
faces like yours
belong in a zoo.
Don't worry I'll be there too,
not in the cage,
but laughing at you.
First Caribou: What kind of math do owls like?
Second Caribou: Owlgebra.
What do spiders like to order at a fast food restaurant?
Burgers and flies.
Did you hear about the man who received a tip on a horse called Cigarette?
He didn't have enough money tabaccer!
What do you call a bull that's sent overseas by boat?
Shipped beef.
A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone.
One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said "it is quite cold out here can I come in?"
The man shouted "NO why don't you all understand I want to be alone!" and he kicked the snail down the mountain.
One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, "What did you do that for?"
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
Two friends were walking through the woods when they thought they heard something.
They turned around and saw a big black bear coming towards them.
Both men started to run when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes.
The second man said "You don't have time to change shoes. You can't outrun that bear!"
The first man said, "I know I can't outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you"!
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Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it...