What do you get if you cross an eel with a shopper?
A slippery customer.
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A passenger train is creeping along, slowly.
Finally it creaks to a halt.
A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.
"What's going on?" she yells out the window.
"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.
Within five minutes, however, it stops again.
The woman sees the same conductor walk again.
She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"
More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowpoke.
Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the lad and give him a chance.
"This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows."
"I see," said Bob, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?"
Q. What did the frog say to the fly?
A. You are really starting to bug me!
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don't like each other.
One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each.
Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet.
Mr. Bear's second wish is that all the bears in the neighboring forests were female as well. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a motorcycle.
Mr. Bear's final wish is that all the other bears in the world were female, leaving him the only male bear in the world.
Mr. Rabbit revs the engine of his motorcycle and says, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rides off.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
You don't because it won't come.
How could the dolphin afford to buy a house?
He prawned everything.
Q. What's black and white and green?
A. A frog sitting on a newspaper.
Q: How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?
A: I don’t know.
I didn’t think sheep could knit!