What do you get if you cross an eel with a shopper?
A slippery customer.
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How are skunks able to avoid danger?
By using their instinks and common scents.
What's the difference between a tiger and a lion?
A tiger has the mane part missing.
A woman went to the doctor's and complained of being really sore.
"Do you have any idea why?"
"Well, I had sex with an elephant!"
"You did?
But elephants are known to have small penises!"
"Yeah, but he fingered me first."
There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: "Help me, please help me! There is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?"
"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves."
"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"
"Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?"
"I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk!"
"Help me please, please help!"
A New Zealander walking along the road with a sheep under each arm.
He meets another New Zealander who says "you sheerin' mate?" and the first guy replies "naw, they're all mine"
Why was the skunk angry?
He was incensed.
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
Why did the duck get arrested?
because he was selling quack.