Did you hear about the pub owner who raised a baby rabbit?
It was an inn-grown hare.
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Yo' Mama is like a donkey: everybody rides the ass.
Two women are on a transcontinental balloon voyage.
Their craft is engulfed in fog, their compass gone awry.
Afraid of landing in the ocean, they drift for days.
Suddenly, the clouds part to show a sunlit meadow below.
As they descend, they see a man walking his dog.
One of the flyers yells to the figure far below, "Where are we?"
The man yells back, "About a half mile from town."
Once again, the balloonists are engulfed in the mist.
One flyer says to the other, "He must have been a lawyer."
The other says, "A lawyer! How do you know that?"
The first says, "That’s easy. The information he gave us was accurate, concise, and entirely irrelevant."
What do you call a poodle with no legs?
A sponge.
What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house?
The Lizard of Oz.
Your mamas feet are so scaly you can see crocodile dundy in her foot bath.
Two neighbors are talking to each other.
First neighbor: Do you know that my dog is so smart, he waits for the newspaper to drop at the doorstep and then delivers it to me?
Second neighbor: Of course, I know that very well.
First neighbor: Really, well then, how?
Second neighbor: My dog came and told me.
What do you get if you cross an eel with a shopper?
A slippery customer.
Chuck Norris won the Kentucky derby, on a Unicorn.
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What happened to the lizard in the wizard's garden pond?
He had him newt-ered.