A tourist on a farm asked the farmer why one pig had a wooden leg.
The farmer said, "That pig is the bravest pig I ever saw."
"So why does he have a wooden leg?" the tourist asked.
"One night, our house caught on fire, and he came inside and woke us all up."
The tourist asked again, "So, why does that pig have a wooden leg?"
"You can't eat a pig that brave all at once!"
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Q: What do you call a fight between you and your dad?
A: Dady issues!
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk.
Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.
As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969."
The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog crap, 20 feet back."
Why is it difficult to identify horses from the back?
They re always switching their tails.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris.
After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
Vote:
A man walks into a bar one day and asks the bartender if he knows a man named Two Guns Gonzales.
The bartender says no but he tells him that the man in the back named No Guns knows him.
So the guy walks to the back of the bar and asks the man if he knows a guy named Two Guns Gonzales.
The man says, "Let me tell you a story...
One day about a week ago, I was riding into town on my horse and this large man with two guns comes riding up to me and says, "Get off your horse."
Well, Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I get off my horse.
Then he says, "Now drop your pants."
Well, Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do?
I take off my pants.
Then he says, "Now s**t."
Well Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do?
I s**t.
Then he says, "Now eat it."
Well Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I eat it.
Now, Two Guns is laughing so hard, he drops his guns!
I grab them!
Now I say, "Drop your pants."
Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do?
He drops his pants.
Then I say, "Now s**t."
Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do?
He s**ts.
Then I say, "Now eat it."
Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do?
He eats it.
So when you ask me if I know a man named Two Guns Gonzales, the answer is yes: I had lunch with him last week."
Vote:
Why do police dogs lick their balls?
To get the taste of Nigger out their mouths.
There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods...
Cats have never forgotten this.
Here's proof that Cats are smarter than dogs...
You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.
People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life.Dogs believe they are human.
Cats believe they are God!
Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel.
I got rid of my husband.
The cat was allergic.My husband said it was him or the cat...
I miss him sometimes.
Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit!
What’s a mouse’s favorite record?
Please cheese me!
Did you hear about the new shark food restaurant called Jaws?
It costs an arm and a leg to eat there.