A tourist on a farm asked the farmer why one pig had a wooden leg. The farmer said, "That pig is the bravest pig I ever saw." "So why does he have a wooden leg?" the tourist asked. "One night, our house caught on fire, and he came inside and woke us all up." The tourist asked again, "So, why does that pig have a wooden leg?" "You can't eat a pig that brave all at once!"
How do you go about hiring a horse? Try two pairs of stilts!
What’s a mouse’s favorite record? Please cheese me!
How do you confuse a frog? Put it in a round bowl and tell it to take a nap in the corner.
What's the difference between a reindeer and a snowball? They re both brown, except the snowball.
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors? Because, if it had 4 doors it would be chicken sedan.
Tow millipedes went for honey moon. The male one asked: "My darling, between which feet is your pussy, please?"
Blonde 1: Don't tell anyone but Bees scare me. Blonde 2: Dont worry, the whole alphabet scares me
What kind of noise annoys an oyster? A noisy noise annoys an oyster. (Try saying that fast!)
So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says ''Your eyes sparkle like diamonds''. I said, ''Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck'
A guy walks into a bar with a four-foot crocodile on a leash, following him like a dog. The barman says gruffly: "No pets allowed here!" The guy says, "But this is a trained crocodile. See what it can do!" He sets the crocodile on a table and hits it on both ears. The crocodile opens its jaws wide. The guy unzips his pants, puts his pecker into the crocodile's jaws and hits the crocodile on the ears again. The crocodile closes its jaws leaving just one-inch space, not touching the man's pecker. Everybody in the bar is very impressed. To build upon it, the guy declares: "I give a hundred dollars to anyone who does it!" But everybody is afraid to - understandably, each would rather have an undamaged pecker than a hundred dollars. Finally, a man wearing a pink suit, with an earring in one ear, says in an effeminate voice: "I think I can do it!" Everybody admires him, "What a brave man you are!" The man continues, to the guy: "Just don't hit me so hard on the ears!"