Q: What did the emu say to the nurse?
A: Mend her bones or walk the plank
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A blonde, a priest, a doctor, a nurse, a brunette, a redhead, a lawyer, a rabbi, a musician, a farmer, a lawyer, an accountant, a Mexican, an Indian, a Chinaman, an Irishman, an Englishman an American, A Russian, an Iraqi, Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Sarah Palin, George W Bush, Osama Bin laden and Barack Obama walked into a bar.
The barman said, "Hang on a minute, is this some sort of joke?"
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it.
What's gray and powdery?
Instant Elephant.
Q: How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They just have a nursing student do it.
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There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner.
The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly.
The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig.
The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment.
Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, “This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!”
The farmer looked puzzled and replied, “What’s time to a pig?”
The nurse told the parents of a newly born child, "You have a cute baby."
The smiling husband said, "I bet you say that to all new parents."
"No," she replied, "just to those whose babies really are good-looking."
The husband again asked "So what do you say to the others?"
The nurse replied, "The baby looks just like you."
Nurse: "We need a stool sample and a urine sample."
Old man to his wife: "What did she say?"
Wife to husband: "They want your underwear."
The more people I meet, the more I like my cat.
What do cows like to listen to?
Moo-sic.
Some people like to eat frogs' legs.
Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs.
Hence, snakes.
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