Mama bear to Papa bear: "Well... You might call it hibernating — I call it goofing off ."
What's green with bumps? A frog with the measles!
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat!
Would a Police-Dog arrest itself for fouling the street? Police Dog Joke Submitted by Kabogga.
A man who is concerned about his wife cheating on him wants to catch her in the act. He doesn’t have enough money to hire a PI, so he goes to a pet shop. There he asks the clerk if he has a parrot for sale. The clerk shows him the last parrot he has: “This is the last parrot I have for sale. He doesn’t have any legs, but he is very smart.” The man asks, “If he doesn’t have any legs, how does he stay on the perch?” “He holds on with his dick.” the clerk answered. The man asks ” How much?” “Since he doesn’t have any legs, I’ll sell him to you for fifty bucks.” The suspicious man purchases the talking bird and takes him home. He sets up the cage in his bedroom where he can see everything; he then instructs the parrot to watch what ever goes on in the room and inform him when he gets home from work. So the next morning he leaves for work and his wife stays home, as usual. When the man gets home from work, as his wife is cooking supper, he asks the parrot to tell him what went on during the day. The parrot begins, “At eight o’clock this morning the mailman came….” Interrupting the man asks, “Yeah and what happened?” “he came in the house…” Furiously, the man asked “And then” “…and then he came into the bedroom…” Astounded the man impatiently asks, “What happened next?” “He began to take off his clothes and she hers…” “What happened after that!” The parrot then replied, “I don’t know I sprung a boner and fell off!”
Q: What is it called when a soldier slips into a fox hole? A: Bestiality
A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed. His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, "Some things you just can't explain. This morning I was outside milking a cow. As soon as the bucket was full the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up his left foot to a pole. I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right foot to a pole too. As soon as I finished milking the cow again he knocked down the bucket with his tail and I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt. As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can't explain."
Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother? For smoking in bed.
You momma so stupid I see her walking the pigs down the street I'd asked "What she doing?" And she said "Going piggy back riding"!
A man has his car full of penguins. He drives past a policeman, but the policeman stops him. He says. "Hey, you! Yeah, you! You should take those penguins to the zoo!" The man does that. The next day in the same spot, the man still has the penguins. Once again he drives past the policeman. "Hey, I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!" "I did," replies the man. "We had so much fun that were going to the beach today!"