Mama bear to Papa bear: "Well... You might call it hibernating — I call it goofing off ."
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Why did the whale like the diver?
Because he had flippers.
What do rabbits put in their computers?
Hoppy disks.
Q: What do you get when you cross an alligator with a road runner?
A: A 100 mph nigger eater.
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What is the slowest racehorse in the world?
A clotheshorse.
Two women are on a transcontinental balloon voyage.
Their craft is engulfed in fog, their compass gone awry.
Afraid of landing in the ocean, they drift for days.
Suddenly, the clouds part to show a sunlit meadow below.
As they descend, they see a man walking his dog.
One of the flyers yells to the figure far below, "Where are we?"
The man yells back, "About a half mile from town."
Once again, the balloonists are engulfed in the mist.
One flyer says to the other, "He must have been a lawyer."
The other says, "A lawyer! How do you know that?"
The first says, "That’s easy. The information he gave us was accurate, concise, and entirely irrelevant."
Do you know the difference between a postal box and a monkey's arse?
Well if you don't know I will never ask you to post a letter for me.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with strawberry soda?
A berry bubbly bunny.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin.
Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
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A hound dog lays in the yard and an old man in overalls sits on the porch.
"Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" a jogger asks.
The old man looks over his newspaper and replies, "Nope."
As soon as the jogger enters the yard, the dog begins snarling and growling, and then attacks the jogger's legs.
As the jogger flails around in the yard, he yells, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"
The old man mutters, "Ain't my dog."