Mama bear to Papa bear: "Well... You might call it hibernating — I call it goofing off ."
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Q: Why does a dog stay in a shadow.
A: Because it doesn't want to be a Hotdog.
A man and his little boy were walking through the park when a honeybee landed near them.
The boy ran over and stomped on it. The father gave him a lecture about having respect for living things and added, "Just for that you can’t have any honey for two weeks!"
Pretty soon a butterfly landed near them.
The boy ran over and stomped on it.
Again, the father gave him a lecture and added, "Just for that you can’t have any butter for two weeks!"
When they got home, they went into the kitchen, and a cockroach ran across the floor.
The mother ran over and stomped on it.
The boy said to his father, "Well do you want to tell her, or shall I?"
What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
Q. Where do polar bears vote?
A. The North Poll.
Animal testing is a terrible idea;
they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
One day a man and a giraffe go to a pub they have a couple of drinks then on their way out the giraffe falls over and blocks the door the bar.
Man says "you can leave that lion here."
The man said "it's not a lion its a giraffe you idiot."
That bull you sold me is a lazy good-for-nothing.
I told you he was a bum steer.
Chuck Norris doesn't play dead for bears, bears play dead for Chuck Norris.
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Q: What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog?
A: Gee, we really do taste like chicken!
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat.
He came across two men.
One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.
The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.
Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest, and writers cramp.