What's three meters high and jumps every ten seconds?
A dinosaur with the hiccups.
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Little Johnny: „Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?"
Mother: „No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year!"
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Chuck Norris was once bitten by a venomous cobra ....
After 5 days of excrutiating pain the cobra
Eventually died
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What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead black person in the road?
There’s skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Would a Police-Dog arrest itself for fouling the street?
Police Dog Joke Submitted by Kabogga.
Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.
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Why are rabbits never gold?
How would you tell them apart from goldfish?
What's the favourite flavour of sharks?
Shark-o-late.
A dog goes into a job centre and asks for employment.
‘Wow, a talking dog,’ says the clerk.
‘With your talent I’m sure we can find you a job at the circus.’
‘The circus?’ says the dog.
‘What does a circus want with a plumber?’
There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner.
The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly.
The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig.
The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment.
Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, “This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!”
The farmer looked puzzled and replied, “What’s time to a pig?”