What is the best advice to give a worm?
Sleep late.
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What's a moo hoo for grazing school?
Grass class.
Q: Whats worse then finding half a worm in your apple?
A: The Holocaust.
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Chuck Norris created the platypus by roundhouse kicking a duck at a beaver.
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Rabbit: "Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?"
Doctor: "Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another."
What do cows read at the breakfast table?
The moospaper.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, when I walked past your fence, she came out barking.
The last time Chuck Norris was hungry, all the dinosaurs suddenly got extinct...
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A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.
Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"
If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?