Did you hear about the aristocratic horse?
He was the last of his race!
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In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear.
In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful.
Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.
The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff.
His hopes were dim.
Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!"
The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air.
Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to an abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.
Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I'm about to receive..."
A deer hunter who was an atheist was out in the woods when suddenly a 1,000-pound deer stepped out.
"Good God!" exclaimed the hunter.
Suddenly, a voice from Heaven said, "I thought you don't believe in me."
The hunter replied, "Up until now I didn't believe in 1,000-pound deer either."
A Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on my door yesterday, so I answered it and asked if he wanted to come in he said, "Yeah, okay."
I said I'm just making a cup of tea do you want one? He said, "Yeah, sure."
I said I've just made some toast do you want a slice? He said, "Yeah, why not."
I then he sat down and I asked him, "So what now?" He said, "I don't know I've never got this far before!"
Yo' Mama is so ugly, when I walked past your fence, she came out barking.
Hypocrisy: When a Jehovahs Witness doesn't celebrate Halloween because they don't like random people knocking on their doors.
When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
Who robs banks and squirts ink?
Billy the Squid.
Q: What did the dad buffalo say to his son on the first day of school?
A: Bison.
Q. What did one frog say to another?
A. You're such a WART!