Q: Who was the most famous pirate octopus?
A: Captain Squid.
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You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe beside you, and you're being chase by a lion.
What do you do?
Get your drunk ass off the carousel.
Q: How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast?
A: Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.
What to polar bears eat for lunch?
(Ice berg-ers!)
Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.
His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician.
The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."
His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber.
The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.
"No, I'm serious.
The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
Chuck Norris once shook a pirates hand.
That pirate is now known as Captain Hook
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Q: Where do pirates buy their parrot food?
A: Petsmarrrrrrrrt!
Q: What do pirates wear in the winter?
A: Long Johns!
What is the difference between an pilot and a pig?
The pig doesn't turn into a pilot when it's drunk.
I took my 7 year old son to the zoo today.
We were walking around and soon he said, “Look Dad! It's a frickin' Elephant!”
I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us.
“What did you just call it?” I asked.
“It's a frickin' Elephant, it says so on the picture!” he said, and so it did, A F R I C A N Elephant.
When Chuck Norris walks into a room, the mice jump on chairs.
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