Q: Who was the most famous pirate octopus?
A: Captain Squid.
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Your house is so dirty I saw rats on dirt bikes.
Q: How do pirates make their money?
A: By hook or by crook!
Q: What's a horny pirate's worst nightmare?
A: A sunken chest with no booty!
Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.
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Q: What's a pirate's favorite letter?
A: You would think R but it is the C that love.
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What do you get if you cross a skunk and a dinosaur?
A stinkasaurus.
I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road.
He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen.
Damn, that is one ugly child!."
As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears.
Just then, a mailman came to her rescue.
"What's the matter, madam?" he asked.
"I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed.
"There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket.
"Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"
Q: Where do pirates buy their parrot food?
A: Petsmarrrrrrrrt!
Q: Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow?
A: So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.
A pirate walks into a bar and sits down.
The bartender walks over to him and says "Hey, I couldn't help but notice when you walked in.
Is that a steering wheel hung between your legs?"
"Aye!" replied the pirate, "And it's drivin' me nuts!"