Q: Who was the most famous pirate octopus?
A: Captain Squid.
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There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt.
After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant.
"It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out."
"That's very sensible, sir."
At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon.
The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned.
"Get my brown pants."
Three tortoises, Tinku, Teku and Toku, went into a restaurant. Each of them ordered a large ice cream sundae. They were waiting for their order when they noticed that it was pouring with rain outside.
"We are going to need our umbrellas," said Toku. Tinku agreed. They both decided that Teku should run home to get the umbrellas, but he didn't want to go in case they ate his ice-cream while he was away. But Toku and Tinku promised that they would do nothing of the kind, so Teku set off.
One week went by and Teku did not return. Two weeks went by and still he did not appear. Halfway through the third week, Tinku turned to Toku and said, "Come on, let's eat his ice cream."
"Okay, let's," said Toku.
Just then Teku's voice piped up from under the next table, "If you do, I won't go for that umbrella!"
Q: Why are black people, pirates?
A: Because they go nigarrr.
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Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
A: Because they can spend years at C!
Q: How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast?
A: Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.
What is the most important use for cowhide?
To hold the cow together.
Why don't whales eat sushi very often?
Of course whales like sushi.
It's just those itty-bitty chop sticks that keep getting stuck in their teeth.
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel on his penis.
The bartender says to him, "You know you've got a ship's wheel on your penis?"
And the pirate says, "Argh, I know. It drives me nuts."
What do you call a tired cow?
Milked out.