Joke #10699

Q: Who was the most famous pirate octopus? A: Captain Squid.
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A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off." "Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off." "Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate. "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"
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There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant. "It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out." "That's very sensible, sir." At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned. "Get my brown pants."
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One day there was a woman who lost her cat named "LOVE." It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him. When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly, "I'm looking for LOVE." The policeman arrested her on the spot.
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Q: Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? A: Because then they'd be bay gulls.
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What did one slug say to another who had hit him and rushed off? I ll get you next slime.
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Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? A: Because they can spend years at C!
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Q: What's a horny pirate's worst nightmare? A: A sunken chest with no booty!
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Yo' Mama is so flat, pirates can't wait to get their hands her a sunken chest.
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Chuck Norris likes his meat rare, so he eats unicorns.
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How did Captain Hook die? He wiped his bum with the wrong hand!
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