I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.
What do you call the reindeer with one eye higher than the other? Isaiah.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar, one turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew twenty bucks in there..."
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? Because from a distance they looked like hares.
How do you hire a horse? Put a brick under each hoof!
If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of food.
What do you get if you cross a bottle of water with an electric eel? A bit of a shock really.
Which big cat should you never play cards with? A cheetah.
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general. "You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?" "Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' - that did it!"
What do you call a rabbit who works in a bakery? A yeaster bunny.
Q: Why do cops arrest black people? A: Because monkeys belong in cages.