I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.
A dog goes to a telegraph office and dictates a message. ‘Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.’ The operator reads it back then says, ‘Y’ know, we charge per ten words. You could have an extra ‘woof’ for free.’ ‘No thanks,’ says the dog.
Q: Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days? A: Because then the children have to play inside.
Where do rabbits settle their legal disputes? In a pellet court!
Q: Why didn't go Noah fishing? A: He only had two worms.
I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman… “Mr Cook?” “Yes,” I replied. “I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.” I said, “That’s bullshit – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”
Chuck norris can eat chicken tonight tomorow.
"Did you hear about the farmer who lost control of his tractor in the cow pasture?" "No." "Did he hurt the cows?" "No, he just grazed them."
Chuck Norris won the Kentucky derby, on a Unicorn.
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record.
A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one. After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck. The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm. "But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend. "Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."