How many Mafia hitmen does it take to light the bonfire?
Three, One to set fire to the effigy, one to watch his back, and one to shoot any witnesses.
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One day, Bush was talking with Osama Binladen on the phone, they couldn’t trace from where the call was coming from, but Osama said, "I’ve got good news and bad news."
Bush replied, "What’s the good news?"
"I’m turning myself in," said Osama. "But the bad news is, I’m coming on a plane."
Life Lemons Saying:
White Guy: When Life gives you lemons enjoy them with friends.
Black Guy: When Life gives you lemons sell them, buy a gun, point it at life and say "More lemons mother Fucker".
Religion is a lot more like politics.
The only difference is that with religion you get to confess your own sins.
Patient: "I have spent 80% of my life’s savings on doctors."
Doctor: "Why didn’t you come to me earlier?"
Mexicans cross the border 1...2...and 4 at one time, never 3. why?
Because the sign says - no tres passing.
Amazing unbelievable facts
1. Isaac Newton was alive before he died
2. It takes 60 seconds to make a minute
3. Albert Einstein was born on his birthday
4. Morgan Freeman is called Morgan Freeman because his first name is Morgan and last name is Freeman
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is."
"Of course I do," he irritatingly answered, going out the door to the office.
At 11 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a bouquet of red roses.
At 2 PM, a two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived.
Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.
The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home.
"First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed.
"I've never had a more wonderful ‘Independence day' in all my life!"
Q: What's the distinction between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?
A: When you get a divorce, you dispose of the entire prick.
That awkward moment when you're about to hug someone sexy as hell and then you hit the mirror.
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish.
The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home.
The second guy wishes the same.
The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
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