How many Mafia hitmen does it take to light the bonfire?
Three, One to set fire to the effigy, one to watch his back, and one to shoot any witnesses.
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Chuck Norris can press "Pause" on reality.
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Q: There is a $100 bill sitting in the middle of a 4 way intersection, at one side there is a man hating dike, at another side, there is Santa, at another side there is the Easter Bunny, and at the las side there is a man loving lesbian. Who gets the $100 bill?
A: The man hating dike because all others are a figure of your imagination.
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Opportunity.
Don't be silly - opportunity doesn't knock twice!
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There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.
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The organizers of the concert complain to the conductor of a choir:
You were supposed to bring a mixed choir, but I can see only men here.
But it is a mixed choir – half of them know how to sing, and the other half- do not.
Doctor: "You have trouble with your throat? Have you ever gargled with salt water?"
Patient: "Yes. In last summer, I was almost drowned while swimming."
Why can't cinderella get in the basketball team?
Because she keeps running away from the ball.
Did you hear about the guy they found dead with his head in his cornflakes?
The police thought it was a cereal killer.
What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist.