Why did the indecisive chicken cross the road? To get to the other side… er, no… to go shopping… no, not that either… damn it!
What newspaper do cows read? The Daily Moos.
Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch. One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?" The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"
What happens when you mix a frog with a bathtub scrubby-mit? A rubbit!
Chuck Norris does not buy ground beef, he just takes a whole cow, runs it through his beard, and fully cooked hamburgers come out.
Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.
What's the difference between a tiger and a lion? A tiger has the mane part missing.
Q: Why did the atheist throw her watch out the window? A: She wanted to see if it was designed intelligently enough to evolve into a bird.
Q: Why don't black kids play in sand boxs? A: Because they are affraid the cats will try to cover them up.
Q: What do you get when you cross a perm with a rabbit? A: Curly hare.
Customer: "Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea up?" Waiter: "I wouldn’t know sir, I’m a waiter, not a fortune teller."