Why did the indecisive chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side… er, no… to go shopping… no, not that either… damn it!
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Q: Where do birds meet for coffee?
A: In a nest-cafe!
Did you hear about the new shark food restaurant called Jaws?
It costs an arm and a leg to eat there.
A deer hunter who was an atheist was out in the woods when suddenly a 1,000-pound deer stepped out.
"Good God!" exclaimed the hunter.
Suddenly, a voice from Heaven said, "I thought you don't believe in me."
The hunter replied, "Up until now I didn't believe in 1,000-pound deer either."
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Q: What do you call a guy with his hand up a Camel's arse?
A: An Arab mechanic.
Yo' Mama is so fat, when she went to KFC, she ordered the bucket of chicken on the roof.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles.
What happened to the lizard in the wizard's garden pond?
He had him newt-ered.
What do you call a grizzly bear caught in the rain?
(A drizzly bear!)