Joke #11096

What is the slowest racehorse in the world? A clotheshorse.

Q: What was the last thing her husband said to her? A: I'll feed the dog, you feed the fish.

Yo mamma so fat and scary, Godzilla watches "yo mamma" movies!

Two cows were talking.One cow asked the other" I wonder what hamburgers are made of?" The other cow replied "YOUR MOM!

A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here." "You don't understand," says the man. "This is no regular dog, he can talk." "Listen, pal," says the bartender. "If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks. "The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?" "Roof!" "Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?" "Bark!" "And who's the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" "I guess you've heard enough," says the man. "I'll take the hundred in twenties." The bartender is furious. "Listen, pal," he says, "get out of here before I belt you." As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think I should have said 'DiMaggio'?"

A snail is walking down the road, when all of a sudden two turtles appear. They rough up the snail, take his money, and leave him for dead. Months later in the courtroom, after the two turtles have been arrested, the judge asks the snail to describe what happened on the night of the assault. The snail says, "Gee, I would love to, your honor, but it all happened so fast!"

Monahan stumbled into a saloon, half crocked. "Say," he said to the bartender, "how tall is a penguin?" "About two and a half feet." "Thank God!" cried Monahan. "I thought I ran over a nun!"

Man decides to buy a pet, but does not know what he wants as a pet, so he goes to the pet shop in search of a pet. He sees cats in a cage dogs on another cage spiders, rabbits, frogs, birds, fish in aquariums and finally he sees a very colorful parrot in the corner of the store and he goes to the area where the parrot was and salesman asks him, "Are you interested in this parrot?" The man says, "Does he talk?" the salesman says, "If you pull his left leg he will say the our father and if you pull his right leg, he will say the hailmary!" The man says, "What will the parrot say if I pull both legs at the same time?" The parrot says, "I'll fall on my ass stupid!"

Chuck Norris was mauled by a bear once, then the bear woke up and apologized.

What should you call a bald teddy? Fred bear .

Q: Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? A: Finding half a worm."