What is the slowest racehorse in the world?
A clotheshorse.
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What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
Who held the baby octopus to ransom?
Squidnappers.
Q:What did the polar bear say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags?
A:Mmmm, sandwiches!
How do you stop a skunk from smelling?
You hold his nose!
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Vote:
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear.
He sleeps with a real bear.
Vote:
A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side.
He put the alligator up on the bar.
He turned to the astonished patrons and said, "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute."
He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed.
In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.
The crowd murmured their approval.
The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth.
The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head.
The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."
A hush fell over the crowd.
After a while, a hand went up at the end of the bar and a woman timidly spoke up.
"I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with a beer bottle."
Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station?
Because it's a mane-lion station.