Law of Cat Disinterest A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
Did you hear about the new shark food restaurant called Jaws? It costs an arm and a leg to eat there.
Why did the frog cross the street? Because the chicken crossed the road.
Scooby Doo prefers Norris snacks'.
Q. Why did the man cross the road? A. He heard the chicken was a slut.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant? An elephant who never forgets to eat his carrots.
How do bulls drive their cars? They steer them.
What magazine makes cows stampede to the newsstand? Cows-mopolitan!
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a donkey walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the donkey's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the donkey. "Your name is written inside the cover."
The reason we are human is because Chuck roundhouse kicked a monkey into a higher species.
A man buys a pet parrot and brings him home. But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really nasty, so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson. He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet. The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him and says, "I apologize for offending you, and I humbly ask your forgiveness." The man says, "Well, thank you. I forgive you." The parrot then says, "If you don't mind my asking, what did the chicken do?"