Joke #10778

What do you give a deer with an upset stomach? Elkaseltzer.

Your mamas feet are so scaly you can see crocodile dundy in her foot bath.

Q: What do dogs do after they finish obedience school? A: They get their masters.

Chuck Norris once uppercut a horse and that is how the giraffe was created.

Customer: "Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup." Waiter: "Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers."

Chuck Norris can stick his hand inside a rabbit's mouth and pull out a HAT!

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"

What is the slowest racehorse in the world? A clotheshorse.

Imagine being completely naked in room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you... This is life of a dog.

What would you do if your were in a large room, all sealed up, no windows, the door was locked, and there were 5 hungry tigers, 32 vultures, 17 spitting cobras, 213 tarantulas, 1 laywer, and you had a gun with only two bullets? Shoot the lawyer twice.

Two cows were chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."  The other cow replied, "Hell, I ain't worried, it won't affect us ducks."