Why is it difficult to identify horses from the back?
They re always switching their tails.
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What did one slug say to another who had hit him and rushed off?
I ll get you next slime.
They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming.
Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona.
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
(A teddy boar!)
Who robs banks and squirts ink?
Billy the Squid.
‘Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in?
I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.’
Sue Murphy
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.
The President decides to give them a test.
He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in.
They place animal informants throughout the forest.
They question all plant and mineral witnesses.
After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies.
The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling: "Okay!
Okay!
I'm a rabbit!
I'm a rabbit!"
How does a cow do math?
With a cowculator.
What do you call explosive cow vomit?
A cud missle.
What do you call a cow that fell in a hole?
A hole-y Cow.