Chuck Norris shaves with a hunting knife. "Shaving" consists of cutting a new mouth-hole every morning. That's how tough his beard is.
Chuck Norris won a marathon on a treadmill.
Willy Wonka gave an everlasting gobstopper to Chuck Norris. The flavor lasted 2.3 seconds.
Someone once broke into Chuck Norris' house and instead of stealing anything they gave Chuck Norris everything they owned.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a Facebook, he has a Fistbook... No one's his friend.
For Chuck Norris, there is no such thing as gambling. He already knows the outcome.
There was no volcanic eruption in Iceland - Chuck Norris opened the BBQ season.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Two things in life are certain: Death and a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.