Chuck Norris shaves with a hunting knife.
"Shaving" consists of cutting a new mouth-hole every morning.
That's how tough his beard is.
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Chuck Norris is the most feared predator on the planet.
That's why sharks have a Chuck Norris week.
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Chuck Norris was born in a house he build himself.
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There are no comets.
Only people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked so hard that they are now in permanent orbit in our solar system.
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You've heard that Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice, right?
Well he's currently making his third attempt.
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Ozzy Osbourne once snorted a line of ants.
Chuck Norris once snorted a line of bricks.
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Chuck Norris has the right to keep and arm bears.
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When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.
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Hip-Hop is dead because of Chuck Norris.
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Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
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When Chuck Norris watches a horror movie, Chuck Norris dosen't scream, the movie does.
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