Joke #11281

What happened to the cannibal lion? He had to swallow his pride!
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Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
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What's black and white, stinks and hangs from a line? A drip dry skunk.
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A Guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play." The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus' owner pockets the fifty bucks. The next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus' owner. The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy, "Now if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars." The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, and has another look from a different angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner comes up and says, "What are you pissing around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!" The octopus says, "Play it? If I can figure out how to get it's pajama's off, I'm gonna screw it!"
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Q:What did the polar bear say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags? A:Mmmm, sandwiches!
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Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme play tug a war with live annacondas.
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Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? A: Laughing stock.
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Chuck Norris can mess with the bull without getting the horns.
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If you crossed a cow with a goat, what would you get? Half and half.
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Giraffes were invented when Chuck Norris laid an uppercut to a horse.
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Q: What do you call a cow playing with its self? A: Beef stroganoff.
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