What happened to the cannibal lion? He had to swallow his pride!
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
What's black and white, stinks and hangs from a line? A drip dry skunk.
A Guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play." The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus' owner pockets the fifty bucks. The next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus' owner. The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy, "Now if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars." The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, and has another look from a different angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner comes up and says, "What are you pissing around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!" The octopus says, "Play it? If I can figure out how to get it's pajama's off, I'm gonna screw it!"
Q:What did the polar bear say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags? A:Mmmm, sandwiches!
Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme play tug a war with live annacondas.
Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? A: Laughing stock.
Chuck Norris can mess with the bull without getting the horns.
If you crossed a cow with a goat, what would you get? Half and half.
Giraffes were invented when Chuck Norris laid an uppercut to a horse.
Q: What do you call a cow playing with its self? A: Beef stroganoff.