What happened to the cannibal lion?
He had to swallow his pride!
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Q: What would you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A: A snake in the brass.
According to leading scientists, the deadliest animal on the planet is the Bearded Norris.
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What happens when you kiss a canary?
You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.
What kind of tiles can't you stick on walls?
Reptiles.
Did you hear about the whale who couldn't keep a secret?
He was a blubber mouth.
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven’t got the energy."
"Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They’re packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Sh*t might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there...
The friend of my mother has taken look at the photo on which I was and has said: "yeah, the stepfather of Johny is a real expert of breeding of meaty pig types."
What do you call a dinosaur with magic powers?
Tyrannosaurus Hex.
What did the cow wear to the football game?
A Jersey.
Two Bear Hunters
Two men went bear hunting.
While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear.
He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.
The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.
He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step.
Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.
Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another one!"