Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar?
A: The lid said, "Twist to open."
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
Q. Why did Mrs. Smokey the Bear divorce Smokey the Bear?
A. Because every time she got hot, he d beat her with a shovel!
Will I ever be able to race my horse again the owner asked the vet.
The vet replied, "You certainly will, and you ll probably beat her too!"
What's a skunk's favourite game in school?
Show and smell.
Did you hear about the man with five keen senses?
He still lacked common and horse!
A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's Day walk along a country lane.
They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the lad's lustful desire rises to a peak.
He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind, but I really do need to take a piss."
Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind a nearby hedge.
She nods in agreement and disappears behind the shrubbery.
As he waits, he can hear the sound of her tight panties rolling down her long legs and imagines what is being exposed.
Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, and his hand touches her leg.
He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly, and with great astonishment, he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage that's hanging between her legs.
He shouts in horror, "My God, Claudette, I had no idea you were actually a man!"
"No, you don't understand!" she replies.
"I changed my mind, I'm taking a crap instead."
Vote:
Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever.
Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.
Did you hear about the man who ate nothing but oats every day?
He fell in love with the Grand National winner!
Q. Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat?
A. Because he was pissed off!
What's a rabbits favorite TV show?
Hoppy Days.
A blonde is driving down the road and she sees a dead rabbit.
She stops the car and called out, "Does anybody got any hairspray!?"
A man pulls up and gives her a bottle of spray and she sprays it on the dead rabbit and the man stares and says "Why u doing that?"
The blonde says "Hairspray is for dead hairs"