Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar? A: The lid said, "Twist to open."
How would you get four reindeer in a car? Two in the front and two in the back. And how do you get four polar bears in a car? Take the reindeer out first.
Chuck Norris doesn't eat honey. He chews bees...
A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can’t drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off. The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo." The man replies "I did. Today I’m taking them to the movies."
Chuck norris can eat chicken tonight tomorow.
Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean? A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
Q:Why do dogs stick their noses in women's crotches? A:Because they can.
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
A black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow," says the bartender. "That is really something. Where'd you get it?" "Africa," says the parrot.
A man received a phone call one day, and the caller asked if he had lost a parrot. He said that he had indeed lost the bird, but wanted to know how the caller located him. The called said that the bird had landed on his balcony and kept repeating, "Hi, you have reached 555-1234. I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message at the tone."