Animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other: "So what do you think of mad cow disease?" The other replies: "I don't know, I'm a chicken!"
A farmer brought his daughter a little pot-belly pet pig. She called it "Stinky" when she played with it out in the yard, but she called it "Ballpoint" when it was in the sty. "Tell me," asked her father, "Why do you have two names for your pig?" "That’s easy," she replied, "Ballpoint is just his pen name."
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100? Because when she gets to 69 she has a frog in her throat.
A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber ignored it, and takes the TV. Again, the parrot cries out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber started to get a little worried. "What's your name, birdie?" "Moses." "What dumbass named you Moses?" "The same dumbass who called his rottweiler Jesus."
What's gray and powdery? Instant Elephant.
Chuck Norris likes his steaks still mooing.
Q: What side of the cow gives the most milk? A: The utter side.
I heard my tire thumping, I thought it was flat. When I looked at my tire I discovered your cat. Sorry...