Joke #1508

Animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
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Q:What did the polar bear say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags? A:Mmmm, sandwiches!
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Q: What did the apple say to the worm? A: You're boring me.
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Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
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What do dinosaurs put on their floors? Rep-tiles.
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Q. What's black and white and green? A. A frog sitting on a newspaper.
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David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an obscenity. Those that weren’t expletives, were to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird’s attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shocked the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the bird in the freezer, just for a few moments. He heard the bird squawk and kick and scream-then suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’ll endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness.” David was astonished at the bird’s change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, “May I ask what did the chicken do?”
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Why was the man sued by his horse? For palomino-money!
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‘Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.’
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Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
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Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
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