Joke #11319

Hide an alarm clock in someone's bedroom and set it for 3:00 a.m.

Chuck Norris bunked school one day. Till today that day is known as Sunday.

A time paradox was invented when Chuck Norris went back in time to raise himself. Now he has provoked the event 2012.

"I spent the whole evening knotsurfing!" "Don't you mean netsurfing?" "No, everyone was complaining because I tied the computer up for ages!"

I just recently discovered that there is a national holiday named after Atheism. April FOOLS day. Like this story in the name of Jesus.

In my village, it is not usual, ordinary, even normal that somebody would go to work. Even though there is one person in our village who goes to work on a regular basis. In the morning when he goes to work the whole village accompanies him, men, women, children, grannies and grandpas and in the evening when he goes back from work the whole village welcomes him back. We all are smiling at him and we are waving at him with the bunches of purple lilac flowers for example during this period of time, April, May.

Take a squirt gun into the rest room stall next to someone and shoot little drops over the wall every couple of seconds while pretending to pee.

April doesn't fool Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris fools April.

An accountant dies and goes to heaven (no, that's not the joke). St. Peter, of course, is there, looking through the files and asking a few quick questions. "What sort of accountant were you?" "Oh, I was a CPA", was the reply. "Name?" asks St. Pete. The accountant gives his name and St. Peter finds his file. "Oh yes, we've been expecting you. You've reached your allotted time span." The accountant says, "I don't get it. How can that be? I'm only 48 years old." Pete looks again at the file and says, "Well, that's impossible." "Why do you say that?" asks the accountant. "Well," says St. Peter, "we've been looking over your time sheets and the hours you've charged your clients. By our reckoning, you must be at least 93 years old!"

Question: Why do women close their eyes during sex? Answer: They can’t stand seeing a man have a good time.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.