Joke #13060

A photon is checking into a hotel and the bellhop asks him "Do you have any luggage?" The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."

Innkeeper: "The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed." Guest: "I'll make my own bed." Innkeeper: "Good. I'll get you some nails and wood."

The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.

First woman in space: "Houston, we have a problem." What? "Never mind." What's the problem? "Nothing." Please tell us. "I'm fine."

My friend's father died last night so I asked him "What was the cause of his father's death?" He said, "A bus passed over his finger!" I laughed and told him: "It is not a suitable cause." My friend said: "When the bus crashed, his finger was on his nose!"

A beautiful woman who had a golden little plane necklace was seated next to a guy on the plane. During the flight all the time he was gazing at the necklace. When the woman asked him: "Are you interested in my necklace?" "No lady; I would rather its runway!" answered the guy.

Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? A: HeHe

When I arrived at a hotel in order to fill in my identities I noticed the word "sex" so I wrote: YES PLEASE.

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!" The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete... how much steel!! No, think of another wish." The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women....know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment... know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing'... know how to make them truly happy...." The genie asked, "Do you want that bridge two lanes or four?"

3 Database SQL walked into a NoSQL bar. A little while later they walked out because they couldn't find a table.

Did you hear about the new book about anti-gravity? I just can't seem to put it down.