A man was beaten up by robbers on the road. He lay on the side of the road, half dead. A humanist came along, saw him and passed by on the other side. A Samaritan came by and also crossed to the other side. Finally, a modern Christian came along, looked at the man and said: "Whoever did this to you needs help."
A woman stopped by our customer-service desk and asked me for a copy of the book that has Jesus in it. After much back-and-forth, I determined that she wanted the Bible. After searching for a particular book on dinosaurs in the science section without luck, a customer looked to me for help. She showed me a piece of paper with the title written on it: Thesaurus.
Santa writes to Chuck Norris about what he wants for Christmas.
Yo momma's so stupid, she gave your uncle a bl*wjob 'cause he said it'd help his unemployment.
Q: What did Jesus tell the Mexicans just before he died? A: Act stupid until I get back.
Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A: Samson. He brought the house down.
Yo Mama's so stupid because it too her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
Your mama so old she still owes Jesus five bucks.
Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? A: To get chocolate milk.
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. “I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.” The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.” The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.” She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.