A man was beaten up by robbers on the road. He lay on the side of the road, half dead.
A humanist came along, saw him and passed by on the other side.
A Samaritan came by and also crossed to the other side.
Finally, a modern Christian came along, looked at the man and said: "Whoever did this to you needs help."
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A woman stopped by our customer-service desk and asked me for a copy of the book that has Jesus in it.
After much back-and-forth, I determined that she wanted the Bible.
After searching for a particular book on dinosaurs in the science section without luck, a customer looked to me for help.
She showed me a piece of paper with the title written on it: Thesaurus.
Vote:
Cloyd went to a Charleston dentist complaining his gums had shriveled up and his teeth were falling out.
After examining him, the dentist said, "Your mouth is really bad. Do you brush?"
"Ah sure do!" replied Cloyd. "Everee single day!"
"What do you brush with?" asked the dentist.
"Preparation H," said the redneck.
Your mom is so stupid she thought Nickelback was a refund.
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
Vote:
Q: How does Jesus celebrate Easter?
A: He gets a manicure, pedicure, and has his nails polished.
At a Wednesday evening church meeting a very wealthy man rose to give his testimony.
"I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I can still remember the turning point in my faith, like it was yesterday:
I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night.
The speaker was a missionary who told about his work.
I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to God's work or nothing at all.
So at that moment I decided to give my whole dollar to God.
I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today."
As he finished it was clear that everyone had been moved by this man's story.
But, as he took his seat, a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said: "Wonderful story! I dare you to do it again!"
Yo momma is so stupid, when your were born she looked at your embelical cord and says "It comes with cable!"
Your mama so old she still owes Jesus five bucks.
Yo mamma so stupid she locked herself out of her motercycle.