Joke #13099

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
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has 49.93 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: christian, Chuck Norris, mean

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A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name and looked it up in his book also. "Now, if you will come with me, I will show you your eternal dwellings," said St. Peter. They walked along the clouds and came to a huge mansion with all sorts of lavish trappings. St. Peter turned to the lawyer and told him this was to be his house. The Pope, knowing how important he was to the church could hardly imagine what his house would be like. St. Peter and the Pope continued on to a small, beat-up wooden shack. St. Peter told the Pope that this would be his dwelling. The Pope, shocked, said to St. Peter, "Just a minute!" That other guy was a lawyer and he gets a mansion. I was the head of the Roman Catholic church, and this is all the reward I get?" St. Peter looked at the Pope and said "True, you have done great things. But we have lots of Popes in Heaven, and that guy was the first lawyer ever to make it up here."
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has 82.28 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: christian, death, lawyer, life, mean
When Chuck Norris comes into your house, you are the guest.
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has 80.98 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, mean
Santa writes to Chuck Norris about what he wants for Christmas.
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has 72.54 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: christian, Chuck Norris, Santa
Before the 16th century, the sun really did go around the earth. Chuck Norris just decided to change it as a prank.
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has 67.69 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, history, mean, science
The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The priest was holding steady in the pulpit. The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
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has 67.68 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: catholic, christian, Chuck Norris, vulgar
Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, mean
There were 3 people on a boat, Chuck Norris, Jesus, and the Penelope, Jesus said "I bet I can walk across the water." He did, Chuck Norris tried, he did, the Penelope said "They did it that means I do it." , He tried, he sank, Jesus said: "Should I have told him about the rocks?" Chuck Norris said "What rocks?"
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has 66.96 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, christian, Chuck Norris, communication
Got said, "Let there be light!" Chuck Norris looked at him and said: "Say please."
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, communication, god, mean
The whole idea of Jesus dying to pay for our sins is bullshit. Jews don't pay for anything.
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has 47.20 % from 109 votes. More jokes about: christian, death, jewish, mean
At a Whitehouse party for past presidents. Michelle Obama caught Barron Trump making faces at Sasha. Michelle walked over to reprimand the child and said, "Barron, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Baron looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Obama, you can't say you weren't warned."
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has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: kids, mean, political, ugly, women