Q: Who was the smartest man in the Bible?
A: Abraham. He knew a Lot.
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Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A: Samson. He brought the house down.
Q: Did you know that they had automobiles in Jesus' time?
A:Yes, the Bible says that the disciples were all of one Accord.
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.
Q: Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible?
A: He thought he saw a job.
A woman stopped by our customer-service desk and asked me for a copy of the book that has Jesus in it.
After much back-and-forth, I determined that she wanted the Bible.
After searching for a particular book on dinosaurs in the science section without luck, a customer looked to me for help.
She showed me a piece of paper with the title written on it: Thesaurus.
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Christian Doctor: "Your recovery was a miracle!"
Christian Patient: "Thank God! Now I don't have to pay you."
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Q: Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
A: When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.
The whole idea of Jesus dying to pay for our sins is bullshit.
Jews don't pay for anything.
Little Johnny was in bible study one morning. Sally was sleeping in front of johnny.
The teacher asked Sally who our Lord and savior was.
Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a pin and she screamed "Jesus Christ!"
And fell back to sleep.
A little while later the teacher asked Sally who created our world.
Johnny poked her in the butt again and Sally screamed "oh my god!"
And fell back to sleep.
Later the teacher asked Sally what Eve said to Adam after they had their fifth child.
Johnny poked her in the butt and Sally screamed "if you stick that thing in me one more time I'm gonna break it!"
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