If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
Gilding the lily is a job seeker's birthright. Here are a few doozies, where the applicant claimed: - to be a former CEO of the company to which he was applying. - to be fluent in two languages—one of which was pig Latin. - to be a Nobel Prize winner. - to have worked in a jail when he was really in there serving time. - he was fired "on accident."
Me driving by a Taco Bell. Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Two weeks later: Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Background Checks Required.
One day, Hitler decided to test out the skills of several prisoners in Treblinka. As the first test, he had his soldiers bring him out the three prisoners, then line them up before him. "How high can you jump?" he asks the first one. "About 1 meter," answers the prisoner. Hitler nodded before turning to his soldier. "Take this one back to work, but give him 1 kilogram of rye bread." After the soldier did as he was told, Hitler stood before the second prisoner. "How high can you jump?" he asks again. After a moment of thinking, the prisoner says. "Two meters, if I really try." Hitler nodded before turning to his soldier again. "Take this one back to work too, but give him two kilograms of rye bread." Observing this, the third prisoner did the maths and hatched a plan. Finally, Hitler stood face to face with him. "How high can you jump?" he asked him at last prisoner. "My most illustrious Führer, I can jump 5 meters!" said the prisoner as a smug grin bloomed on his face. Hitler frowned before turning to his soldier. "Tell me, Walter: how tall are the walls around the camp?" "Three meters, my Führer!" cried the soldier. Hitler nodded again before turning to the last prisoner. "In that case, shoot this one: he may become a problem in the future."
There are two essential rules to management. First, the customer is always right. Second, they must be punished for their arrogance.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to... unless your in prison.
Aaron Hernandez goes to prison as a tight end. He'll come out a wide receiver!
Yo' Mama is so stupid, when her boss told her to take her ugly ass home, she came back 10 minutes later without her ass.
A press release: "Yesterday, for the first time a hacker was convicted of network penetration and went to jail to serve a 12 years sentence. According to the data of the central computer of the police, the hacker goes to liberty the day after tomorrow because of expiration of the sentence."
The fastest, most effective way to learn about servant leadership is to take a puppy for a walk.
The new office-boy came into his boss's office and said, "I think you re wanted on the phone, sir." "What d you mean, you think?" demanded the boss. "Well, sir, the phone rang, I answered it and a voice said is that you, you old fool?"