Q: What has 12 arms, 12 legs, and 12 eyes?
A: 12 pirates.
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Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
A: Because they can spend years at C!
Q: How do pirates make their money?
A: By hook or by crook!
Yo' Mama is so flat, pirates can't wait to get their hands her a sunken chest.
There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt.
After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant.
"It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out."
"That's very sensible, sir."
At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon.
The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned.
"Get my brown pants."
My great grandson's class were asked to make a mothers day card for their mothers.
On mothers day he presented this beautiful hand made a card to his mum...
Hearts and kisses and wishing her Happy Mums Day on opening the card printed in bold letters was "DADS THE BEST"...
Needless to say, his mum still loves him.
Q: VWhy didn't the fixed dog cross the road?
A: Because he didn't have the balls to do it.
You know who's mad at Kobe?
Every other player in the NBA.
You know why?
Cause he messed around on his wife and bought her a $4 million ring.
Yeah, you know what that means: that's the new minimum.
Cause you know how women are, man.
Women get upset: "Oh, really, what's this? A $1 million ring? What - did that bitch get my $3 million, too?"
Harry's wife says, "Harry, do these jeans make my ass look like the side of the house?"
He says, "No, our house isn't blue."
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Q: Where do pirates buy their parrot food?
A: Petsmarrrrrrrrt!