Q: What has 12 arms, 12 legs, and 12 eyes?
A: 12 pirates.
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My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills.
I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!
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A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel on his penis.
The bartender says to him, "You know you've got a ship's wheel on your penis?"
And the pirate says, "Argh, I know. It drives me nuts."
The wild and mean bear grabs the hedgehog and asks him: "Were you at the fox’s party as well?"
"Yes, I was. So what?"
"Were you sitting on the table?"
"Yeah, why?"
The bear, ready to leg press him, changes his mind and says to the hedgehog: "Next time, wherever you go, take an umbrella with you!"
"But why, my friend?" the hedgehog wonders.
"Cause all night long, I was taking thorns off my ass!"
Q: What do pirates wear in the winter?
A: Long Johns!
Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
A: Because they can spend years at C!
Q: How do pirates make their money?
A: By hook or by crook!
You know who's mad at Kobe?
Every other player in the NBA.
You know why?
Cause he messed around on his wife and bought her a $4 million ring.
Yeah, you know what that means: that's the new minimum.
Cause you know how women are, man.
Women get upset: "Oh, really, what's this? A $1 million ring? What - did that bitch get my $3 million, too?"
They say that if I don't support transgender rights I'm on the wrong side of history.
At least I'm on the right side of the firing squad.
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Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
Q: Why are black people, pirates?
A: Because they go nigarrr.
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