Q: What has 12 arms, 12 legs, and 12 eyes?
A: 12 pirates.
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Yo mama's so stupid when she cries for help she says "come here please".
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My mother in law was complaining about her dentures to me.
She told: "Whenever I get overweight it'll be a stench; when I make myself thin it would be stretched; when something squeezes in it then I 'll faint from enjoyment!"
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Q: Where do pirates buy their parrot food?
A: Petsmarrrrrrrrt!
Yo' Mama is so flat, pirates can't wait to get their hands her a sunken chest.
A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights.
I showed her our top brand, but, wanting to make sure each bulb worked, she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in.
I did, and each one lit up.
"Great," she said.
I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box.
But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed.
"I don't want this box," she said abruptly. "It's been opened."
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I was wondering why air is so polluted.
Then I remembered people saying "Love is in the air".
Now it makes sense.
Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day.
"Yes," came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, "I've bought her a belt and a bag."
"That was very kind of you," Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought."
Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."
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Autocorrect can kiss my ask!
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Q: What's a horny pirate's worst nightmare?
A: A sunken chest with no booty!
Q: Why are black people, pirates?
A: Because they go nigarrr.
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