Q: What has 12 arms, 12 legs, and 12 eyes?
A: 12 pirates.
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There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt.
After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant.
"It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out."
"That's very sensible, sir."
At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon.
The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned.
"Get my brown pants."
Q: How did the pirate get through School?
A: By sailing on high C's.
Q: Why does California have the most lawyers, and New Jersey, the most toxic waste dumps?
A: New Jersey got first pick.
Parents: "Why are you welcoming guests in your underwear? "
Me: "Hated me to take off my underwear."
A pirate walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender looks down and says, "You know that you have a steering wheel in your pants"
The pirate replies, "Ay, it's drivin' me nuts."
Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
A: Because they can spend years at C!
A pirate walks into a bar and sits down.
The bartender walks over to him and says "Hey, I couldn't help but notice when you walked in.
Is that a steering wheel hung between your legs?"
"Aye!" replied the pirate, "And it's drivin' me nuts!"
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartments.
I am in apartment 301.
There is a big panel at the front door.
With your elbow, push button 301.
I buzz you in.
Come inside and elevator is on the right.
Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor.
When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.
OK?"
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?
"What... You're coming empty handed?"
A man has came over to his wife in a request.
She tells him to tie her to a bed and do whatever he wants.
3 hours later he is fucking hookers and watching football and porn with friend.