Q: How did the wanna-be-hipster die?
A: Trying to cross the mainstream!
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Q: What's a hipster's favorite profession?
A: Mortician. All of his work is 6 feet underground.
Q: How do you drown a hipster?
A: In the mainstream.
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.
Q: Why did Hitler hate golf?
A: Because he ended up in the bunker.
A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead.
Not happy with the vet's diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion.
The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog.
The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head.
"There" says the vet," Your hamster is dead".
Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion.
The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat.
The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it's head.
"It's definitely dead sir", says the vet.
Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes.
"That will be L1000, please".
"A L1000 just to tell me my hamster is dead" fumes the man.
"Well", says the vet, "There's my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan".
Q: How many hipsters can you get into a phone booth?
A: One, any more and it would be too mainstream.
Q: Why did the hipster leave his oceanside mansion?
A: It was too current.
I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today.
I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.
Vote:
Guns can kill, Chuck Norris does!
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3 europeans come to America.
They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them.
But the europeans beg to have their lives spared.
The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it.
So the first guy comes back with a peach.
The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you."
So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him.
The second guy comes back with a grape.
The native american tells him the same thing.
He laughs and the native american kills him.
They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?"
The second guy says, "Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"