Q: How did the wanna-be-hipster die? A: Trying to cross the mainstream!
Q: How do you drown a hipster? A: In the mainstream.
Q: What's a hipster's favorite profession? A: Mortician. All of his work is 6 feet underground.
Three highly decorated police officers die in a wild shoot out with narcotics dealers and go to heaven. God greets them and asks, "When you are laid out in your casket, and your fellow officers and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first cop says, "I would like to hear them say, that I was the bravest cop on the force." The second police officer says, "I would like to hear that I was a terrific cop who died in the line of duty." The last cop replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's Moving!"
Q: Why do hipsters love using the subway? A: Because its underground.
Q: Why do hipsters love ice? A: Because ice was water before it was cool.
Q: How many hipsters does it take to flush a toilet? A: You can't touch that toilet, it's art.
Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: You wouldn't know, it's kind of an obscure number.
Q: How much does a hipster weigh? A: An instagram
Jeff and Mike are in a car accident and both die. Upon Jeff's arrival at the Pearly Gates, he is met by St. Peter. "Where is my friend Mike?" Jeff asked. St. Peter replies, "Well, Mike was not as fortunate as you. He went in the other direction instead of getting into Heaven." Jeff was bothered by this and asked, "Well, could I see Mike one more time just to be sure he is OK?" So, Jeff and St. Peter walked over to the edge of Heaven and looked down. There was Mike, on a sandy beach, with a gorgeous blonde in a bikini, and also with keg of beer. "I don't mean to complain, but Mike seems to have it pretty nice down there in Hell," says Jeff. "It's not as it appears to be," says St. Peter. "You see, the keg has a hole in it... and the blonde doesn't."
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.