Q: How did the wanna-be-hipster die?
A: Trying to cross the mainstream!
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Q: What's a hipster's favorite profession?
A: Mortician. All of his work is 6 feet underground.
Q: How do you drown a hipster?
A: In the mainstream.
Q: How much does a hipster weigh?
A: An instagram
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If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, a hipster will buy it on vinyl.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean.
The tsunamis were killing people.
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Chuck Norris has a Roundhouse Kick button on his Facebook page, and when he deletes a friend they actually die.
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Q: Why do hipsters love ice?
A: Because ice was water before it was cool.
A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner “Mom & Pop” grocery store picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
“Oh, no laundry,” the boy said. “I’m going to wash my dog.”
“But you shouldn’t use this to wash your dog. It’s very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he’ll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him.”
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy.
The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.
“Oh, he died,” the boy said.
The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, “I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog.”
“Well,” the boy replied, “I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him.”
“Oh, what was it then?”
“I think it was the spin cycle.”
Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
A: Because he ate his food before it was cool.
Charlie Sheen is a drug, it will melt your face and kill you.
Chuck Norris had two 8-Balls of Sheen and is now suing for false advertising.
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