Q: Why did Hitler hate golf?
A: Because he ended up in the bunker.
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Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
Q: How many hipsters can you get into a phone booth?
A: One, any more and it would be too mainstream.
Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
A: Because he ate his food before it was cool.
Q: You know what would make America great again?
A: If we kept the Mexicans and deported the hipsters.
Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf.
Jon offers Amanpreet a $50 bet.
Amanpreet agrees and they’re off.
They shoot a great game.
After the 8th hole, Amanpreet is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.
”Help me find my ball. Look over there,” he says to Jon.
After a few minutes, neither has any luck.
Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Amanpreet secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. ”I’ve found my ball!” he announces.
”After all of the years we’ve been partners and playing together,” Jon says, “you’d cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?”
”What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!”
”And you’re a liar, too!” Jon says. ”I’ll have you know I’ve been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!”
Golfer: "I'd move heaven & earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."
Q: Why did the hipster float down the tributary?
A: Because the river was too mainstream.
Yo mama is so stupid that she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest in India.
A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?"
The husband said, "No sweetie."
The woman said, "I'm sure you would."
So the man said, "Okay, I would"
Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?"
And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so."
Then the wife asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?"
And the husband replied, "No, she's left handed."
The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.
"Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?" she asked the instructor.
"P-u-t-t is correct," he replied.
"Put means to place a thing where you want it.
Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing."