Q: Why did the hipster leave his oceanside mansion?
A: It was too current.
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A lecturer who was drunk walked in a class.
Ater few minutes he wanted to urinate, he ran out and open a zip slowly, so that he may urinate.
After urinating, that's when he realized that the zip he opened was for a jacket.
Q: Why did the hipster float down the tributary?
A: Because the river was too mainstream.
Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: You wouldn't know, it's kind of an obscure number.
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Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
A: Because he ate his food before it was cool.
A husband and wife in their sixties were coming up on their 40th wedding anniversary.
Knowing his wIfe loved antiques, he bought a beautiful old brass oil lamp for her.
When she unwrapped it, a genie appeared.
He thanked them and gave each of them one wish.
The wife wished for an all expenses paid, first class, around the world cruise with her husband.
Shazam!
Instantly she was presented with tickets for the entire journey, plus expensive side trips, dinners, shopping, etc.
The husband, however, wished he had a female companion who was 30 years younger.
Shazam!
Instantly he turned 93 years old.
It's 4:04.
Do you know where your auditor is?
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What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
See ya next month.
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Once Chuck Norris went back in time and kicked a ball.
When it landed it wiped out the dinosaurs.
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Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
When Chuck Norris sets his watch, he sets time itself.
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