Q: Why did the hipster leave his oceanside mansion?
A: It was too current.
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My girlfriend is like February 30th, she doesn't exist.
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Hipsters wear jackets in the summer, before it's cool.
Q: Why did the hipster float down the tributary?
A: Because the river was too mainstream.
Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One to screw it in and the other to wear skinny jeans.
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A cruise ship founders on a reef, and a man just manages to swim some miles and crawl up on a desert island.
After recovering from the ordeal, he begins to explore and finds to his great surprise (and pleasure) that the only other survivor of this terrible tragedy is Cindy Crawford.
They build a lean-to and find some food and water.
After a few weeks, it becomes clear that help is not on the way, so they start to get intimate.
The guy is clearly ecstatic for a couple of weeks, but one morning she awakes to find him moping under a tree.
"What's the matter?" Cindy says: "Is there anything I can do?"
"Well, I am a little shy about asking you," he replies: "But could you take some of that charcoal from the fire and paint a mustache on your face?"
"A mustache? Well... I... I suppose so", and she does it.
"Now, there's just one other thing. Can I call you Bob... like my friend?"
"Bob? Well... if it will make you feel better... all right."
"Great!" he cries, looks at her and says: "Bob! You're never gonna believe who I'm fucking!"
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There was once a puppy called May who loved to pick quarrels with animals who were bigger than she was.
One day she argued with a lion.
The next day was the first of June.
Why?
Because that was the end of May!
Q: Why do hipsters love ice?
A: Because ice was water before it was cool.
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday Night morning?
"Tell her a joke on Monday Morning."
Q: How many hipsters does it take to flush a toilet?
A: You can't touch that toilet, it's art.
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