Q: How many hipsters can you get into a phone booth?
A: One, any more and it would be too mainstream.
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Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One to screw it in and the other to wear skinny jeans.
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Q: How many hipsters does it take to flush a toilet?
A: You can't touch that toilet, it's art.
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A college freshman decided to try out for the football team.
"Can you tackle?" asked the coach.
"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.
"Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed.
Can you run?"
"Of course I can run," said the freshman.
He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.
"Great!" enthused the coach.
"But can you pass a football?"
The freshman hesitated for a few seconds.
"Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."
Q: What do you get when you combine a Starbucks and Yoga class?
A: I don't know, but there's probably a hipster close by.
A man received a phone call one day, and the caller asked if he had lost a parrot.
He said that he had indeed lost the bird, but wanted to know how the caller located him.
The called said that the bird had landed on his balcony and kept repeating, "Hi, you have reached 555-1234. I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message at the tone."
My iPhone fell from the 20th floor.
Good thing it was in airplane mode.
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Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
A: Because he ate his food before it was cool.
Q: What's a hipster's favorite profession?
A: Mortician. All of his work is 6 feet underground.
Hipsters hate rivers.
Too mainstream.