Q: How many hipsters can you get into a phone booth?
A: One, any more and it would be too mainstream.
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Q: How do you drown a hipster?
A: In the mainstream.
A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, "Something has just come up. I need to go fishing with the boss for the weekend.
We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas? I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."
He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off.
Sunday night, he returns.
His wife asks, "Did you have a good trip?"
"Oh yes, great! I think I really impressed the boss. But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
"Oh, no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box."
Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One to screw it in and the other to wear skinny jeans.
Vote:
How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth?
With a blender.
How do you get them out?
Nachos - make a dipping and snacking motion.
Vote:
Q: Why did Hitler hate golf?
A: Because he ended up in the bunker.
Hipsters hate rivers.
Too mainstream.
"Hey Bill... Do you talk to your wife while you are having sex?"
"Only if there's a phone handy", Bill replied.
Vote:
Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as Aircraft mechanics in Melbourne.
One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Dave said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"
Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed.
The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
In fact he feels GREAT!
NO hangover!
NO bad side effects.
Nothing!
Then the phone rings.
It's Jim.
Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"
Dave says, "I feel great, how about you?"
Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"
Dave says, "No that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."
"Yeah, well there's just one thing."
"What's that?"
"Have you farted yet?"
"No."
"Well, DON'T! 'Cause I'm in Perth!"
Q: How did the wanna-be-hipster die?
A: Trying to cross the mainstream!
A blonde was driving down the motorway when her car phone rang.
It was her husband, urgently warning her, “Honey, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on the M25. Please be careful!”
“It’s not just one car!” said the blonde.
“There’s f*ck*ng hundreds of them!”