Joke #11654

Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? A: Forget-me-nuts.
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has 55.11 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, Valentines day

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A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's Day walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the lad's lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind, but I really do need to take a piss." Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind a nearby hedge. She nods in agreement and disappears behind the shrubbery. As he waits, he can hear the sound of her tight panties rolling down her long legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, and his hand touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly, and with great astonishment, he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage that's hanging between her legs. He shouts in horror, "My God, Claudette, I had no idea you were actually a man!" "No, you don't understand!" she replies. "I changed my mind, I'm taking a crap instead."
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has 64.43 % from 157 votes. More jokes about: animal, couple, disgusting, god, Valentines day
A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one. After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck. The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm. "But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend. "Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."
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has 31.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, hunting, relationship
The most effective way to remember to buy something to your wife for St. Valentine's Day is... to forget it once!
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has 65.19 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: memory, Valentines day, wife
A mean horseman went into a saddler's shop and asked for one spur. "One spur?" asked the saddler. "Surely you mean a pair of spurs, sir?" "No, just one," replied the horseman. "If I can get one side of the horse to go, the other side is bound to come with it!"
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal
Which rabbit was in Western movies? Hopalong Cassidy.
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has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy back wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?" She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit.
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has 82.25 % from 532 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.   After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish. Happy Valentine's Day.
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has 47.63 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: marriage, relationship, Valentines day
A man wanted Valentine's Day to be special, so he bought a bottle of absinthe and stopped by the florist's to order a bouquet of his wife's favorite flower: white anemones. Unfortunately, the florist was sold out of flowers and had only a few stems of feathery ferns. The man asked the florist to make a bouquet out of the ferns and the flask of liquor. He added a card and proceeded home. After a romantic candlelight dinner, he presented his wife with the gift. She opened the card to read, "Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder." With a tear in her eye, she whispered to him lovingly, "Yes, and with fronds like these, who needs anemones."
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has 74.49 % from 235 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, marriage, romantic, Valentines day, wife
Yo mama is so stupid, when I offered her animal crackers she said no thanks, I'm a vegetarian.
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has 75.25 % from 392 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, Yo mama
It was Valentine's day and Jim and Danielle's first date. They sat in the darkened cinema waiting for the film to start. The screen finally lit up with a flashy advertisement for the cinema's concession stand. Jim and Danielle realised that there was no sound. The film began but the silence continued. Suddenly, out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd loudly shouted, "Okay, who's got the remote control?"
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has 56.50 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: dating, technology, Valentines day