Joke #12892

My girlfriend told me that will change me. I thought she was referring to the character, but she found a new boyfriend!
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has 75.18 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: communication, couple, love, relationship, single

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My girlfriend said she wanted a perfect holiday, so I had to stay home!
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has 83.45 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: communication, holiday, relationship
I was sat with my wife while she sipped on her glass of wine, when she said, "I love you so much, you know. I don't know how I could ever live without you." I said, "Is that you or the wine talking?" She said, "It's me talking to the wine.
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A man gets the words 'I love you' tattoed to his penis. He goes home and shows his wife. His wife says, "Don't try to put words into my mouth!"
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has 81.67 % from 1085 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, love, wife
Me: "I love you." You: "Is that you or the wine talking?" Me: "It's me talking to the wine."
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has 80.86 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, mean, wine
A couple returns from their honeymoon refusing to speak to each other. The groom's best friend takes him aside and asks what's wrong. "Well," replies the man, "when we finished making love on the first night, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking." "Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," says his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough. She can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years." "That's not the problem, " the groom says. "She gave me $20 change!"
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has 80.56 % from 345 votes. More jokes about: couple, holiday, love, marriage, money
My ex-girlfriend loves the heat. She has a nostalgia for hell.
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has 80.43 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: love, mean, relationship
An elderly couple in their 80's were going to Florida. At the border, the customs officer asks where they were going. The wife says "what did he say". The husband turns to the wife and says the customs officer wants to know where we are going. He then tells the officer that we are going to Florida. The customs officer now asks how long they were going to Florida for. The wife says "what did he say". The husband turns to the wife and says the customs officer wants to know how long we are going to Florida for. The husband tells the officer that they were going for 2 months. The customs officer then asks where they were coming from. The wife says "what did he say". The husband turns to his wife and says the customs officer wants to know where we were coming from. The husband tells the officer that they were from Hamilton. The customs officer thinks for a minute and tells the husband that he had dated a lady from Hamilton and she was the worst piece of ass he ever had. The wife says "what did he say". The husband turns to his wife and says "He thinks he knows you".
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has 79.35 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: communication, couple, dating, old people, travel
A man goes into a florist and says, "I want to buy some flowers for my girlfriend". "Certainly sir", she responds, "and what in particular are you after"? After some thought, the man answers, "a shag".
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has 77.74 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: dirty, love, men, relationship, sex
Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
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has 77.17 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: dog, relationship, single
Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London. The jeweller inquired, "Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?" Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, "No, instead engrave 'To my one and only love'." The jeweller smiled and said, "Yes, sir; how very romantic of you." Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, "Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again."
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has 76.53 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: love, mean, relationship, romantic, Valentines day