Me: "I'm so lonely." Person: "Hey!" Me: "Leave me alone."
Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
My girlfriend told me that will change me. I thought she was referring to the character, but she found a new boyfriend!
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
I was drinking my coffee in a coffeehouse when a beautiful girl came near my table and asked me: "Are you alone?" So I responded: "It's a long time that I'm alone." "So do you mind me to take this chair?" said the girl. I fainted...
5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message".
Much like Apple products, I also, am only compatible with myself.
Mike: "Hey Joe. My girl friend always gets offended whenever I tell her jokes about bald people." Joe: "Is your girl friend bald?" Mike: "No. She"s a blonde."
Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I've got two night stands. Either side of my bed.
Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you? Girlfriend: It’s sufficient for me but how will you survive?