Me: "I'm so lonely." Person: "Hey!" Me: "Leave me alone."
My girlfriend told me that will change me. I thought she was referring to the character, but she found a new boyfriend!
Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
I was drinking my coffee in a coffeehouse when a beautiful girl came near my table and asked me: "Are you alone?" So I responded: "It's a long time that I'm alone." "So do you mind me to take this chair?" said the girl. I fainted...
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message".
One morning I called my girlfriend and his father picked "Hello who are you?" I heard that heavy voice and quickly replied a while "hey Eric where are you the choir is about to begin?" "What choir?" he asked. "Come on Eric stop kidding around and get your ass over here" the father then replied "Sorry am not Eric and I don't know what you are talking about I am dr Stephen" he said. I then said "oh sorry I must have misdialled" I then hang up and decided I am never gonna call that girl again...
The government shutdown has officially lasted longer than any of Taylor Swift's relationships.
"You're single and I'm single too! You know what that means?" "What" "We're both ugly!"
A girlfriend said to me during sex that I should be a little more graceful, so I went to ballet classes!