Me: "I'm so lonely."
Person: "Hey!"
Me: "Leave me alone."
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Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
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I was drinking my coffee in a coffeehouse when a beautiful girl came near my table and asked me:
"Are you alone?"
So I responded: "It's a long time that I'm alone."
"So do you mind me to take this chair?" said the girl.
I fainted...
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My girlfriend told me that will change me.
I thought she was referring to the character, but she found a new boyfriend!
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5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message".
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Q: What's the difference between me and a calendar?
A: A calendar has dates.
Me: "Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know."
Waiter: "I asked if you were dining alone."
Me: "Oh, sorry. Yes."
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Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand.
Whatever mate, I've got two night stands.
Either side of my bed.
A boyfriend asks his girlfriend:
"What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?"
"Well, I don't know" she answers shyly.
"OK, that I give you another year to think about it…"
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What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
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