Joke #11687

5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message".

Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.

Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?

I was drinking my coffee in a coffeehouse when a beautiful girl came near my table and asked me: "Are you alone?" So I responded: "It's a long time that I'm alone." "So do you mind me to take this chair?" said the girl. I fainted...

My girlfriend told me that will change me. I thought she was referring to the character, but she found a new boyfriend!

Me: "I'm so lonely." Person: "Hey!" Me: "Leave me alone."

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

"You're single and I'm single too! You know what that means?" "What" "We're both ugly!"

A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one. After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck. The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm. "But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend. "Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."

Mike: "Hey Joe. My girl friend always gets offended whenever I tell her jokes about bald people." Joe: "Is your girl friend bald?" Mike: "No. She"s a blonde."

Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London. The jeweller inquired, "Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?" Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, "No, instead engrave 'To my one and only love'." The jeweller smiled and said, "Yes, sir; how very romantic of you." Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, "Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again."