5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message".
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Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
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Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
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I was drinking my coffee in a coffeehouse when a beautiful girl came near my table and asked me:
"Are you alone?"
So I responded: "It's a long time that I'm alone."
"So do you mind me to take this chair?" said the girl.
I fainted...
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My girlfriend told me that will change me.
I thought she was referring to the character, but she found a new boyfriend!
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Me: "I'm so lonely."
Person: "Hey!"
Me: "Leave me alone."
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A kid walks up to his teacher and says "When is lunch."
The teacher said "When its my break."
"Your break for what? the kid asks.
"My break up" the teacher said.
Single women claim that all the good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands.
This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man.
This confirms too, that women are always confused and don't know what they want.
Relationship status - table for one but drinks for two.
I was walking through the cemetery the other day when a thought crossed my mind.
Call me a sentimental old fool if you like, but I couldn't resist it.
I texted my ex saying 'wish you were here'.
