Q: What do you call money that grows on trees?
A: Marijuana
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You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed… and that's pretty close.
Why is money green?
Because people usually pick it before it's ripe!
Q: How is a boss better than a wife?
A: A boss at least pays you for making your life miserable.
Vote:
Q: How do all stoner stories start?
A: This one time when I was high...
I wish my grades would smoke weed too so we could both get higher.
Police Officer: "How high are you?"
Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"
If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter, and another quarter, and then another quarter, how much would you have left?
A million dollars minus 75 cents.
Q: How long does it take before a pound of weed goes bad?
A: I don't know! I've never had it longer than an hour!
Q: Why did Hitler kill himself?
A: He saw his gas bill.
A man on a business trip to Las Vegas heard about how good the Las Vegas prostitutes were so on his first night there, he decided he would go out and try his luck.
He walked outside his hotel and looked up and down the street and saw an attractive girl standing on the corner.
He approached her and asked her if she is working tonight and sure enough she said "Meet me in room 804 across the street."
He was in luck.
She was a knockout.
They got to the room and he sat down anxiously on the edge of the bed.
She asked him what he wanted and he thought for a second, then said "How much for a hand job?" She said, "300".
His eyes popped open and he asked "300?"
She said, "Walk over to that window and open the curtains".
He proceeded.
"See that motel down there? I own it, and I didn't inherit it. I'm that good."
He was like, "well go right ahead honey".
So she proceeded to give him the best hand job he ever had.
After a little rest he thought, if that was that good..."How much for a blow job?"
She said "600". OH MY GOD! was his reply.
She told him to walk back over to the window.
"See that 15 story hotel?
I own it and I didnt inherit it. I'm that good."
He said "Well get to work then sweetie."
And sure enough he got the best blow job he ever received.
After a little "rebuilding" time he thought, if that was that good... "How much for sex?"
She chuckled and said, "Honey, I'd own this whole damned town if only I had a pussy."