I wish my grades would smoke weed too so we could both get higher.
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Q: Why don't you see any pot heads in elementary school?
A: Because they're all in high school
You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed… and that's pretty close.
In high school, Chuck Norris was voted "Most."
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If you say "alright" in the mirror 3 times Matthew McConaughey will appear and hand you a joint.
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."
"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"
How do you suffocate a nigger?
Tell him there's weed inside the pillowcase.
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Q: How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed?
A: You can't smoke too much weed.
In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test, and said, "Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests."
Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it.
"Well, said Mr. Johnson, I was looking over your test and the question was,
'Who was our first president?', and the little girl that sits next to you, Mary, put 'George Washington,' and so did you."
"So, everyone knows that he was the first president."
"Well, just wait a minute," said Mr. Johnson.
"The next question was, 'Who freed the slaves?'
Mary put Abraham Lincoln and so did you."
"Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that," said Johnny.
"Wait, wait," said Mr. Johnson.
"The next question was, 'Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase?'
Mary put 'I don't know,' and you put, 'Me neither'."
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Q: How do all stoner stories start?
A: This one time when I was high...