I wish my grades would smoke weed too so we could both get higher.
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Q: Why don't you see any pot heads in elementary school?
A: Because they're all in high school
Your mama is so short when she tried to get high she couldn't.
Joe: What’s the king of all school supplies?
Moe: I don’t know. What?
Joe: The ruler.
The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, “What do you like best about it, class?
Let’s start with you, Robert.”
Robert: “The artwork.”
Teacher: “Very good. And you, Peter?”
Peter: “Her tits!”
Teacher: “Peter, get out!
Go stand in the hall!
And you, Johnny?”
Johnny: “I’m leaving, teacher, I’m leaving…”
Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed?
A: Han So-high
A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal- Mart in a buggy.
Each time she put something in the basket she would say, "And here’s something for you, Diploma." or "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma." and so on.
Eventually a bewildered shopper who’d heard all this finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?"
The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to the University of Virginia and this is what she came home with!"
Officer: "your eyes look red man have you been smoking weed."
Suspect: "officer your eyes look glazed like you has had doughnuts."
Q: How long does it take before a pound of weed goes bad?
A: I don't know! I've never had it longer than an hour!
There are three moms.
A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde.
They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed.
I cannot believe she smokes weed"
They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse.
I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her.
Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse.
I just cannot believe she has a penis"