Joke #11784

I wish my grades would smoke weed too so we could both get higher.

Q: Why don't you see any pot heads in elementary school? A: Because they're all in high school

Q: If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving? A: The cop!

Your mama is so short when she tried to get high she couldn't.

Malcolm: Miss Wilson can I go to the loo? Miss Wilson: In two minutes Malcolm. Do your alphabet first. Malcolm: Ok Miss Wilson. abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz. Miss Wilson: Very good, Malcolm, but where's the p? Malcolm: Miss, it's running down my leg!

A somewhat advanced society has figured out how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says: "Here's a pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature. "What else do you have?" asks the student. "Well I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist. The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects. Then the student asks: "Do you have a pill for math?" The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment," goes back to the storeroom, brings back a whopper of a pill, and plonks it on the counter. "I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student. The pharmacist replies, "Well you know math always was a little hard to swallow."

There was three guys a sex addict a weed addict and a alcoholic they all went to hell for their sin and was standing in front of the devil. The devil made a deal with them saying I will lock you in a room with what ever you did for a 1000 years and if you get over any of your sins I will send you back to the land of the living, Earth. So the sex addict got locked in a room full of virgins, the alcohol addict got locked in a room full of beer, the weed addict locked in a room full of weed. 1000 years later the Devil goes to the sex addict he comes out saying "Aww my dick hurts I'm never having sex again", poof back to earth. Open the alcoholic room and he say "Im never having beer", and gets sent back to Earth. Then the Devil opens the weed addicts room and the Weed addict punches the Devil in the face and says "you forgot my lighter bitch!"

Teacher: What makes you see? Bobyjack: My eyes, my nose and my ears. Teacher: True for the eyes but why for your ears and nose? Bobyjack: It's to hold my glasses!

Me: "I only smoke weed because of Cancer." Mom: "You don't have Cancer!" Me: "So it's working..."

Q: How did the sand get wet? A: The sea weed!

Fred came home from his first day at school. "Nothing exciting happened", he told his mother, "Except the teacher didn't know how to spell cat so I told her."