Joke #11783

You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed… and that's pretty close.
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Q: What do you call money that grows on trees? A: Marijuana
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Q: How do you know when you are stoned? A: When you are too phoned to stone home.
Vote: has 82.86 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

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Andrew went to Medical Insurance to apply for his pension. The woman behind the bench asked for his driving license to verify his age, but he had left his wallet home. He said to her that he had to go home and return later. The woman said: "Unbuckle your shirt." And so he did, revealing his curly, gray hair of his chest. "These gray hair is quite a nice proof for me," she said and continued with his application form. When Andrew went home, he said to his wife what had happened. "You should have taken your pants off," she said, "Maybe you would have taken disability pension too!"
Vote: has 50.97 % from 78 votes. Send joke:

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Yo momma so fat she could go to the desert and sells shade.
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Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together. One man says, "I'm a salesman. What about you?" "I'm a hit man for the mob," replies the second man. He pulls out a high powered rifle loaded with scopes and sights. He then asks the man where he lives. Nervously, the first man replies, "In a subdivision just west of here. Gray roof, yellow siding." "You got a silver compact and a red pickup?" "The compact is my wife's car, but that's my buddy Jeff's truck." The hit man looks through the scope again. "Well, they're going at it like teenagers in your bedroom." "I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot him in the balls." The hit man says, "I get paid $5,000 per shot." "I don't care! Just do it!" The hit man takes careful aim and says, "This is your lucky day. You're going to get a two for one!"
Vote: has 71.76 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common? A: They are both baked chickens.
Vote: has 69.96 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

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A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.” The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…”
Vote: has 85.79 % from 1120 votes. Send joke:

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Yo mama so short when she smokes weed, she cant even get high.
Vote: has 59.46 % from 71 votes. Send joke:

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What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a millionaire? A bunny with money.
Vote: has 45.58 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale? A: Mr. President.
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

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