You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed… and that's pretty close.
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Q: What do you call money that grows on trees?
A: Marijuana
Q: How do you know when you are stoned?
A: When you are too phoned to stone home.
A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it.
The thief was spending less then his wife.
Q: If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving?
A: The cop!
‘If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you.
This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.’ Mark Twain
I wish my grades would smoke weed too so we could both get higher.
A man was relaxing with his evening paper, when there was a knock on the door.
He opened it, and saw nobody, so he closed the door and went back to his paper.
There was another knock, so he opened the door again.
This time, he looked down and saw a small snail.
"Mister, could you spare some change?" the snail said.
The man picked up the snail, threw him into the bushes, and went back to reading.
A year later, there was another knock at the door. It was the snail.
"What'd you do that for?"
Q: What did the Nickelback fan say to the other Nickelback fan when they ran out of weed?
A: Man, this music sucks.
Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common?
A: They are both baked chickens.
After 40 years of hard work, a man retired with $5,000,000.00 which he had gained through courage, diligence, initiative, skill, devotion to duty, thrift, efficiency, shrewd investment.
And the death of an uncle who left him $4,999,999.50.