Q: Why don't you see any pot heads in elementary school? A: Because they're all in high school
I wish my grades would smoke weed too so we could both get higher.
„And, Johnny? How did your school report turn out?" asks mother. „Come on mom, the most important thing is that I'm healthy!"
Me: "I only smoke weed because of Cancer." Mom: "You don't have Cancer!" Me: "So it's working..."
2 girls meet: "Me & my husband are no longer together..." "Why?" "Well, could you live with a person who smokes weed, drinks, has no job and always cusses?" "No, of course I couldn't!" "Well he couldn't either!"
Q: How long does it take before a pound of weed goes bad? A: I don't know! I've never had it longer than an hour!
Q: What do you call money that grows on trees? A: Marijuana
The English teacher’s husband walked in and caught his wife sleeping with a young co-ed. He said, “Why, Susan, I’m surprised.” She bolted upright, pointed her finger and corrected him, “No. I am surprised. You are astonished.”
A teacher asked a student to write 55. Student asked: How? Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5! The student wrote 5 and stopped. Teacher: What are you waiting for? Student: I don't know which side to write the other 5!
If you say "alright" in the mirror 3 times Matthew McConaughey will appear and hand you a joint.
Smoke a smoke Not a butt Fuck a virgin Not a slut.