Joke #9942

What kind of cows do you find in Alaska? Eski-moos.

An Australian guy walks into a bar with a crocodile under his arm. He asks the bartender if he will give him free drinks if he shows he can put his penis inside the crocs mouth for 15 seconds without it getting bit off. The bartender agrees. The guy opens the crocs mouth and puts his penis inside it; the croc gently closes his mouth and after 15 seconds the Australian hits him over the head with a bottle, causing the croc to open his mouth and let the guy withdraw his penis. The bartender starts serving the free drinks to the Austr alian and then tells everyone in the bar "If anyone else can do that then I will give them free drinks also". There is a pause and then a blonde woman calls out "ok, I will do it but please don't hit me so hard over my head with the bottle".

Q: What is a turkey's favorite dessert? A: Peach gobbler.

Q: Why is the camel called the ship of the desert? A: Because it's full of Arab semen.

Chuck Norris once round house kicked a bear while on a survival trek in Siberia. That incident was known as the Tunguska event.

Q: Why should you never set the turkey next to the desert? A: Because he will gobble, gobble it up!

In what state will you find the most cows? Moo York.

Why doesn't Sweden export it's cattle? It wants to keep it's Stockholm!

What do cows wear when they are on vacation in Hawaii? Moo moos.

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona.