Joke #117

Question: How can you tell that an attorney is about to lie? Answer: His lips begin to move.
Vote: has 29.93 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take all his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here’s $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me." At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed that he had only put $20,000 into the envelope because he needed $10,000 for a new baptistery. "Well, since we’re confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000." The lawyer was aghast. "I’m ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, doctor, lawyer, money, priest
Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.? A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.
Vote: has 40.95 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, lawyer is always the third thing they look up? Because the first thing a child looks up is dog. The second is snake. And under snake, the encyclopedia says See Lawyer.
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, lawyer
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. “All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards.”
Vote: has 55.34 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: airplane, business, lawyer
Why are lawyers buried 12 feet deep when they die instead of the normal six feet? Because deep down they are really good people.
Vote: has 46.20 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, lawyer
A lawyer with insomnia consults his doctor. ‘Which side is it best to lie on?’ he asks. ‘The side that pays your fee,’ replies the doctor.
Vote: has 39.47 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
A lawyer dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band. Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says, ‘Congratulations!’ ‘Congratulations for what?’ asks the lawyer. ‘We’re celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old.’ ‘But that’s not true,’ says the lawyer. ‘I only lived to be forty.’ ‘That’s impossible,’ replies Saint Peter. ‘We’ve added up your time sheets.’
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
He was a very keen lawyer, he even named his daughter ‘Sue’.
Vote: has 51.34 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
“How can I ever thank you?” gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles. “My dear woman,” Darrow replied, “ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question.”
Vote: has 60.15 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, money
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it and one to keep interrupting by standing up and shouting "Objection!"
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer